Letter 168

On your birthday you wrote me a letter full of advice, full of great kindness and of great wisdom. Philotimus delivered it to me the day after he got it from you. The points you discuss are very difficult--the route to the upper sea, a voyage by the lower sea, departure to Arpinum, lest I should seem to have avoided Caesar, remaining at Formiae, lest I should appear to have put myself forward to congratulate him; but the most miserable thing of all will be to see what I tell you must very shortly be seen. Curtius Postumus was with me. I wrote you how tiresome he was. Quintus Fufius also came to see me--what an air! what assurance!--hastening to Brundisium denouncing Pompey's wrong-doings and the careless folly of the House. When I cannot stand this under my own roof, how shall I be able to endure Curtius in the Senate? But suppose I put up with all this in good humour, what of the question "Your vote, M. Tullius?" What will come of it? I pass over the cause of the Republic, which I consider lost, both from the wounds dealt it and the cures prepared for them; but what am I to do about Pompey? It is no use denying that I am downright angry with him. For I am always more affected by the causes of events than by the events themselves. Therefore considering our incomparable woes, or rather concluding that they have happened by his doing and his mistakes, I am more angry with Pompey than with Caesar himself. Just as our ancestors maiores nostri funestiorem diem esse voluerunt Aliensis pugnae quam urbis captae, quod hoc malum ex illo (itaque alter religiosus etiam nunc dies, alter in vulgus ignotus), sic ego decem annorum peccata recordans, in quibus inerat ille etiam annus, qui nos hoc non defendente, ne dicam gravius, adflixerat, praesentisque temporis cognoscens temeritatem, ignaviam, neglegentiam suscensebam. Sed ea iam mihi exciderunt; beneficia eiusdem cogito, cogito etiam dignitatem; intellego serius equidem, quam vellem, propter epistulas sermonesque Balbi, sed video plane nihil aliud agi, nihil actum ab initio, nisi ut hunc occideret. Ego igitur, sicut ille apud Homerum, cui et mater et dea dixisset: Αὐτίκα γάρ τοι ἔπειτα μεθ' Ἐκτορα πότμος ἕτοιμος, matri ipse respondit: Αὐτίκα τεθναίην, ἐπεὶ οὐκ ἄρ' ἔμελλον ἑταίρῳ κτεινομένῳ ἐπαμῦναι. Quid, si non ἑταίρῳ solum, sed etiam εὐεργέτῃ adde tali viro talem causam agenti? Ego vero haec officia mercanda vita puto. Optimatibus vero tuis nihil confido, nihil iam ne inservio quidem. Video, ut se huic dent, ut daturi sint. Quicquam tu illa putas fuisse de valetudine decreta municipiorum prae his de victoria gratulationibus? "Timent," inquies. At ipsi tum se timuisse dicunt. Sed videamus, quid actum sit Brundisi. Ex eo fortasse alia consilia nascentur aliaeque litterae. thought that the day of the battle of Alia was blacker than the day of the capture of Rome, because the capture was but the consequence of the battle (and so the former day is still a black letter day and the latter is commonly unknown), so I too was angry in recalling his errors of the last ten years, which included the year of my affliction, when he gave me no help, to put it mildly, and recognizing his foolhardiness, sloth and carelessness at the present time. But all this I have forgotten. It is his kindness I think of, and I think of my own honour too. I understand, later indeed than I could have wished, from the letters and conversation of Balbus, but I see plainly, that the sole object is, and has been from the beginning, the death of Pompey. So I say the same as Achilles to his mother, when she said "For after Hector's death thy doom is fixed," and he replied, "Then let me die, since I have failed to save my friend." And in my case it is not only a friend but a benefactor, a man so great and championing so great a cause. Indeed I hold that life should be paid for the kindnesses that he has done me. But in your loyal party I have no confidence: nor I do even acknowledge any allegiance to them now. I see how they surrender and will surrender themselves to Caesar. Do you think that those decrees of the towns about Pompey's health were anything compared with their congratulatory addresses to Caesar? You will say, "They are terrorized." Yes, but they themselves declare that they were terrorized on the former occasion. But let us see what has happened at Brundisium. Perhaps from that may spring different plans and a different letter.

[1] ego etsi tam diu requiesco quam diu aut ad te scribo aut tuas litteras lego, tamen et ipse egeo argumento epistularum et tibi idem accidere certo scio. quae enim soluto animo familiariter scribi solent ea temporibus his excluduntur, quae autem sunt horum temporum ea iam contrivimus. sed tamen ne me totum aegritudini dedam, sumpsi mihi quasdam tamquam theseis quae et politikai sunt et temporum horum, ut et abducam animum ab querelis et in eo ipso de quo agitur exercear. eae sunt huius modi: [2] Ei meneteon en tei patridi turannoumenes autes. Ei panti tropoi turannidos katalusin pragmateuteon, kan mellei dia touto peri ton holon he polis kinduneusein e eulabeteon ton kataluonta me autos airetai. Ei peirateon aregein tei patridi turannoumenei kairoi kai logoi mallon e polemoi. Ei politikon to hesuchazein anachoresanta poi tes patridos turannoumenes e dia pantos iteon kindunou tes eleutherias peri. Ei polemon epakteon tei chorai kai poliorketeon auten turannoumenen. ei kai me dokimazonta ten dia polemou katalusin tes turannidos sunapograpteon homos tois aristois. Ei tois euergetais kai philois sunkinduneuteon en tois politikois kan me dokosin eu bebouleusthai peri ton holon. Ei ho megala ten patrida euergetesas di' auto te touto anekesta pathon kai phthonetheis kinduneuseien an ethelontes huper tes patridos e epheteon autoi heautou pote kai ton oikeiotaton poieisthai pronoian aphemenoi tas pros tous ischuontas diapoliteias. [3] in his ego me consultationibus exercens et disserens in utramque partem tum Graece tum Latine et abduco parumper animum a molestiis et ton prourgou ti delibero. sed vereor ne tibi akairos sim. si enim recte ambulavit is qui hanc epistulam tulit, in ipsum tuum diem incidit.