Letter 17

The great changeableness of my brother Quintus's disposition and the inconsistency of his opinion and judgment have been made clear to me from your letter, in which you sent me copies of his correspondence. This matter has caused me as much distress as my deepest affection for both of you was bound to bring, and as much astonishment at what could have happened to cause my brother Quintus either so grave an offense or so great a change of feeling. And indeed I had already perceived beforehand — as I could see you too suspected when you were leaving us — that some troublesome impression lay beneath the surface, that his spirit was wounded, and that certain hateful suspicions had taken root. Though I had often wished to remedy this before, and more urgently still after the allotment of his province, I neither understood that his offense was as great as your letter revealed, nor was I making as much progress as I wished. But still I consoled myself with this: that I had no doubt he would see you either at Dyrrachium or somewhere in those parts, and when that happened, I was confident and had persuaded myself that everything between you would be smoothed over not merely by conversation and discussion, but by the very sight of one another and your meeting face to face. For how great is my brother Quintus's friendliness, how great his charm, how soft his spirit both in taking offense and in laying it aside — there is no point in my writing this to you, who know it well. But it happened most unfortunately that you saw him nowhere. For what had been instilled in him by certain persons' scheming carried more weight than either duty or kinship or that old affection of yours, which ought to have carried the most weight of all. Where the blame for this misfortune lies, I can more easily judge than write; for I fear that in defending my own people, I may not spare yours. For this is how I understand it: even if no wound was inflicted by those in the household, they certainly could have healed what was there. But the full nature of this trouble, which extends rather more widely than it appears, I shall more conveniently explain to you in person. As for the letter he sent you from Thessalonica, and the conversations you believe he had both at Rome among your friends and on the journey — whether there is really sufficient cause in these, I do not know. But all my hope of relieving this distress rests upon your good nature. For if you will only resolve that the spirits of even the best of men are often irritable and yet equally ready to be appeased, and that this quickness — this softness of nature, so to speak — is generally a mark of goodness, and above all that we must tolerate one another's failings or faults or injuries among ourselves, then these matters will easily be settled, as I hope. This I beg you to do. For it matters most to me, who love you beyond all others, that there should be no one among my people who does not love you or is not loved by you. That part of your letter was quite unnecessary in which you set out what opportunities for profit, whether from the provinces or from city advantages, you have passed up both at other times and during my own consulship. For your integrity and greatness of spirit are perfectly well known to me, and I have never considered there to be any difference between us except in our chosen way of life — in that a certain ambition led me to the pursuit of public honors, while another course, by no means blameworthy, led you to honorable leisure. In true praise of uprightness, conscientiousness, and scrupulousness, I place neither myself nor anyone else above you; and as for affection toward me, setting aside the brotherly and domestic love of my family, I give you first place. For I have seen — seen and deeply perceived — in my various times of trial both your anxieties and your joys. Often your congratulations on my successes have been a delight to me, and your consolation in my fears a comfort. Indeed now, in your absence, I miss not only your counsel, in which you excel, but even the sharing of conversation which is always sweetest with you — shall I say in public affairs, in which I cannot afford to be negligent, or in the labor of the courts, which I formerly undertook from ambition and now sustain so that I may maintain my standing through influence, or in domestic matters themselves, in which both before and especially since my brother's departure I miss you and our talks? In short, neither my labor nor my rest, neither my business nor my leisure, neither my public affairs nor my private ones, neither in the forum nor at home, can any longer do without your counsel and conversation.

Your letter and the enclosed copy of one of my brother Quintus’ letters show me that he has continually changed his mind and wavered in his opinion and judgement. I am exceedingly disturbed adfectus, quantam mihi meus amor summus erga utrumque vestrum adferre debuit, et admiratione, quidnam accidisset, quod adferret Quinto fratri meo aut offensionem tam gravem aut commutationem tantam voluntatis. Atque illud a me iam ante intellegebatur, quod te quoque ipsum discedentem a nobis suspicari videbam, subesse nescio quid opinionis incommodae sauciumque esse eius animum et insedisse quasdam odiosas suspiciones. Quibus ego mederi cum cuperem antea saepe et vehementius etiam post sortitionem provinciae, nec tantum intellegebam ei esse offensionis, quantum litterae tuae declararant, nec tantum proficiebam, quantum volebam. Sed tamen hoc me ipse consolabar, quod non dubitabam, quin te ille aut Dyrrachi aut in istis locis uspiam visurus esset; quod cum accidisset, confidebam ac mihi persuaseram fore ut omnia placarentur inter vos non modo sermone ac disputatione, sed conspectu ipso congressuque vestro. Nam quanta sit in Quinto fratre meo comitas, quanta iucunditas, quam mollis animus et ad accipiendam et ad deponendam offensionem, nihil attinet me ad te, qui ea nosti, scribere. Sed accidit perincommode, quod eum nusquam vidisti. Valuit enim plus, quod erat illi non nullorum artificiis inculcatum, quam aut officium aut necessitudo aut amor vester ille pristinus, qui plurimum valere debuit. Atque huius incommodi culpa ubi resideat, facilius possum existimare quam scribere; vereor enim, ne, dum defendam meos, non parcam tuis. Nam sic intellego, ut nihil a domesticis about it, as indeed I could not help being, considering my affection for both of you, and I wonder what can have happened to cause my brother Quintus such grave offence and to make him change his mind so extraordinarily. I grasped some time ago, what I think you were beginning to suspect, when you left, that at the bottom of it must be some idea of an insult, and that his feelings were wounded and some unpleasant suspicions had taken deep root. Though I often before sought to heal the wound, and redoubled my efforts after the allotment of his province, I could neither find that he was as much annoyed as your letter makes out, nor yet make as much headway with him as I wished. However, I used to console myself with the thought that he would be sure to see you either at Dyrrachium or somewhere thereabout. And I had quite made up my mind that when that occurred, all the difficulties between you would be smoothed over as much by the mere sight of one another and the pleasure of meeting as by conversation and discussion. For I need not tell you, who know it yourself, how amiable and kindly my brother Quintus is, and how sensitive he is and ready both to take offence and to forget it. But it has happened most unfortunately that you have not seen him anywhere. For the impression he has received from some designing persons has had more weight with him than either his duty or your old intimacy and affection which ought to have had the greatest weight of all. Where the blame for this unpleasantness rests, it is easier for me to imagine than to write. For I am afraid that in defending my relatives I may not spare yours. For my view is that, even if no wound was inflicted vulneris factum sit, illud quidem, quod erat, eos certe sanare potuisse. Sed huiusce rei totius vitium, quod aliquanto etiam latius patet, quam videtur, praesenti tibi commodius exponam. De iis litteris; quas ad te Thessalonica misit, et de sermonibus, quos ab illo et Romae apud amicos tuos et in itinere habitos putas, ecquid tantum causae sit, ignore, sed omnis in tua posita est humanitate mihi spes huius levandae molestiae. Nam, si ita statueris, et irritabiles animus esse optimorum saepe hominum et eosdem placabiles et esse hanc agilitatem, ut ita dicam, mollitiamque naturae plerumque bonitatis et, id quod caput est, nobis inter nos nostra sive incommoda sive vitia sive iniurias esse tolerandas, facile haec, quem ad modum spero, mitigabuntur; quod ego ut facias te oro. Nam ad me, qui te unice diligo, maxime pertinet neminem esse meorum, qui aut te non amet aut abs te non ametur. Illa pars epistulae tuae minime fuit necessaria, in qua exponis, quas facilitates aut provincialium aut urbanorum commodorum et aliis temporibus et me ipso consule praetermiseris. Mihi enim perspecta est et ingenuitas et magnitudo animi tui; neque ego inter me atque te quicquam interesse umquam duxi praeter voluntatem institutae vitae, quod me ambitio quaedam ad honorum studium, te autem alia minime reprehendenda ratio ad honestum otium duxit. Vera quidem laude probitatis, diligentiae, religionis neque me tibi neque quemquam antepono, amoris vero erga by members of the family, they could certainly have healed the one which existed. But the real fault of the whole matter, which is of rather wider extent than it appears, I can explain to you more conveniently when we meet. As to the letter which he sent to you from Thessalonica and the language which you think he used about you both to your friends at Rome and on his journey, I cannot see any sufficient cause for them; but all my hope of removing this unpleasantness lies in your kindness. For if you can persuade yourself that the best of men are often those whose feelings are easy to arouse and easy to appease, and that this nimbleness, if I may use the word, and sensitiveness of disposition are generally signs of a good heart, and—what is the main point—that we must put up with one another’s unpleasantnesses and faults and insults, then, as I hope, all this can be smoothed over easily. This I beg of you to do. For, as I hold you in such peculiar esteem, it is my dearest wish that there may not be any of my people who either does not love you or is not loved by you. That part of your letter in which you mention the chances of preferment in the provinces or in town, which you neglected in my consulship and at other times, was most unnecessary, for I am thoroughly persuaded of your disinterestedness and magnanimity, and I have never thought that there was any difference between you and me, except our choice of a career. A touch of ambition led me to seek for distinction, while another perfectly laudable motive led you to honourable ease. But in the real glory which consists in uprightness, industry and piety, there is no one I place above you, not even myself, and as me, cum a fraterno amore domesticoque discessi, tibi primas defero. Vidi enim, vidi penitusque perspexi in meis variis temporibus et sollicitudines et laetitias tuas. Fuit mihi saepe et laudis nostrae gratulatio tua iucunda et timoris consolatio grata. Quin mihi nunc te absente non solum consilium, quo tu excellis, sed etiam sermonis communicatio, quae mihi suavissima tecum solet esse, maxime deest—quid dicam? in publicane re, quo in genere mihi neglegenti esse non licet, an in forensi labore, quem antea propter ambitionem sustinebam, nunc, ut dignitatem tueri gratia possim, an in ipsis domesticis negotiis, in quibus ego cum antea tum vero post discessum fratris te sermonesque nostros desidero? Postremo non labor meus, non requies, non negotium, non otium, non forenses res, non domesticae, non publicae, non privatae carere diutius tuo suavissimo atque amantissimo consilio ac sermone possunt. Atque harum rerum commemorationem verecundia saepe impedivit utriusque nostrum; nunc autem ea fuit necessaria propter eam partem epistulae tuae, per quam te ac mores tuos mihi purgatos ac probatos esse voluisti. Atque in ista incommoditate alienati illius animi et offensi illud inest tamen commodi, quod et mihi et ceteris amicis tuis nota fuit et abs te aliquanto ante testificata tua voluntas omittendae provinciae, ut, quod una non estis, non dissensione ac discidio vestro, sed voluntate ac iudicio tuo factum esse videatur. Quare et illa, quae violata, expiabuntur, regards affection to myself, after my brother and my immediate connections, I give you the palm. For I have seen time after time, and have had thorough experience of your sorrow and your joy in my changing fortunes. I have often had the pleasure of your congratulations in times of triumph and the comfort of your consolation in hours of despondency. Nay at this very moment your absence makes me feel the lack not only of your advice, which you excel in giving, but of the interchange of speech, which I enjoy most with you. I hardly know if I miss it most in politics, where I dare not make a slip; or in my legal work, which I used to undertake for advancement’s sake and now keep up to preserve my position through popularity; or in my private concerns. In all of them I have felt your loss all along and especially since my brother’s departure. Finally, neither my work nor my recreation, neither my business nor my leisure, neither my legal affairs nor my domestic, my public life or my private, can do without your most agreeable and affectionate advice and conversation any longer. The modesty of both of us has often prevented me from mentioning these facts: but now it was forced upon me by that part of your letter in which you say you want yourself and your character cleared and vindicated in my eyes. There is one good thing as regards the unpleasantness caused by his alienation and anger, that your determination not to go to the province was known to me and other friends of yours, as you told us some time before; so the fact that you are not with him cannot be attributed to your quarrel and rupture, but to your choice and plans already fixed. So amends will be made for et haec nostra, quae sunt sanctissime conservata, suam religionem obtinebunt. Nos hic in re publica infirma, misera commutabilique versamur. Credo enim te audisse nostros equites paene a senatu esse diiunctos; qui primum illud valde graviter tulerunt, promulgatum ex senatus consulto fuisse, ut de eis, qui ob iudicandum accepissent, quaereretur. Qua in re decernenda cum ego casu non adfuissem, sensissemque id equestrem ordinem ferre moleste neque aperte dicere, obiurgavi senatum, ut mihi visus sum, summa cum auctoritate, et in causa non verecunda admodum gravis et copiosus fui. Ecce aliae deliciae equitum vix ferendae! quas ego non solum tuli, sed etiam ornavi. Asiam qui de censoribus conduxerunt, questi sunt in senatu se cupiditate prolapses nimium magno conduxisse, ut induceretur locatio, postulaverunt. Ego princeps in adiutoribus atque adeo secundus; nam, ut illi auderent hos postulare, Crassus eos impulit. Invidiosa res, turpis postulatio et confessio temeritatis. Summum erat periculum, ne, si nihil impetrassent, plane alienarentur a senatu. Huic quoque rei subventum est maxime a nobis perfectunique, ut frequentissimo senatu et libentissimo uterentur multaque a me de ordinum dignitate et concordia dicta sunt Kal. Decembr. et postridie. Neque adhuc res confecta est, sed voluntas senatus perspecta; unus enim contra dixerat the breach of friendship; and the ties between us, which have been so religiously preserved, will retain their inviolability. The political position here is wretched, rotten and unstable. I expect you have heard that our friends the knights have almost had a rupture with the Senate. The first point that seriously annoyed them was the publication of a senatorial decree for an investigation into any cases of bribery of jurymen. As I did not happen to be present when the decree was passed, and noticed that the knights were annoyed though they did not openly say so, I remonstrated with the Senate very impressively, I think, and spoke with great weight and fluency, considering how shameless the case was. Here is another intolerable piece of petulance on the part of the knights! Yet I have not only put up with it, but forwarded their cause. The people who farmed the province of Asia from the censors, complained in the Senate that their avariciousness had led them to pay too high a price for it, and requested to have the lease annulled. I was their chief supporter, or rather the second, for it was Crassus who encouraged them to venture on the demand. It is a scandalous affair, a disgraceful request and a confession of foolhardiness. There was considerable danger, that, if they met with a refusal, they might have severed their connection with the Senate entirely. In this case too I was the main person who came to the rescue, and obtained for them a hearing in a very full and friendly House, and discoursed freely on the dignity and harmony of the two orders both on the first of December and the following day. The matter is not yet settled: but the Senate’s inclination is clear. For one person Metellus consul designatus. Atqui erat dicturus, ad quem propter diei brevitatem perventum non est, heros ille noster Cato. Sic ego conservans rationem institutionemque nostram tueor, ut possum, illam a me conglutinatam concordiam. Sed tamen, quoniam ista sunt tam infirma, munitur quaedam nobis ad retinendas opes nostras tuta, ut spero, via; quam tibi litteris satis explicare non possum, significatione parva ostendam tamen. Utor Pompeio familiarissime. Video, quid dicas. Cavebo, quae sunt cavenda, ac scribam alias ad te de meis consiliis capessendae rei publicae plura. Lucceium scito consulatum habere in animo statim petere. Duo enim soli dicuntur petituri, Caesar (cum eo coire per Arrium cogitat) et Bibulus (cum hoc se putat per C. Pisonem posse coniungi). Rides? Non sunt haec ridicula, mihi crede. Quid aliud scribam ad te, quid? Multa sunt, sed in aliud tempus. † exspectare velis, cures ut sciam. Iam illud modeste rogo, quod maxima cupio, ut quam primum venias. Nonis Decembribus.

Magna mihi varietas voluntatis et dissimilitudo opinionis ac iudicii Quinti fratis mei demonstrata est ex litteris tuis, in quibus ad me epistularum illius exempla misisti. Qua ex re et molestia sum tanta adfectus, quantam mihi meus amor summus erga utrumque vestrum adferre debuit, et admiratione, quidnam accidisset, quod adferret Quinto fratri meo aut offensionem tam gravem aut commutationem tantam voluntatis. Atque illud a me iam ante intellegebatur, quod te quoque ipsum discedentem a nobis suspicari videbam, subesse nescio quid opinionis incommodae sauciumque esse eius animum et insedisse quasdam odiosas suspiciones. Quibus ego mederi cum cuperem antea saepe et vehementius etiam post sortitionem provinciae, nec tantum intellegebam ei esse offensionis, quantum litterae tuae declararant, nec tantum proficiebam, quantum volebam. Sed tamen hoc me ipse consolabar, quod non dubitabam, quin te ille aut Dyrrachi aut in istis locis uspiam visurus esset; quod cum accidisset, confidebam ac mihi persuaseram fore ut omnia placarentur inter vos non modo sermone ac disputatione, sed conspectu ipso congressuque vestro. Nam quanta sit in Quinto fratre meo comitas, quanta iucunditas, quam mollis animus et ad accipiendam et ad deponendam offensionem, nihil attinet me ad te, qui ea nosti, scribere. Sed accidit perincommode, quod eum nusquam vidisti. Valuit enim plus, quod erat illi non nullorum artificiis inculcatum, quam aut officium aut necessitudo aut amor vester ille pristinus, qui plurimum valere debuit. Atque huius incommodi culpa ubi resideat, facilius possum existimare quam scribere; vereor enim, ne, dum defendam meos, non parcam tuis. Nam sic intellego, ut nihil a domesticis vulneris factum sit, illud quidem, quod erat, eos certe sanare potuisse. Sed huiusce rei totius vitium, quod aliquanto etiam latius patet, quam videtur, praesenti tibi commodius exponam. De iis litteris, quas ad te Thessalonica misit, et de sermonibus, quos ab illo et Romae apud amicos tuos et in itinere habitos putas, ecquid tantum causae sit, ignoro, sed omnis in tua posita est humanitate mihi spes huius levandae molestiae. Nam, si ita statueris, et irritabiles animos esse optimorum saepe hominum et eosdem placabiles et esse hanc agilitatem, ut ita dicam, mollitiamque naturae plerumque bonitatis et, id quod caput est, nobis inter nos nostra sive incommoda sive vitia sive iniurias esse tolerandas, facile haec, quem ad modum spero, mitigabulltur; quod ego ut facias te oro. Nam ad me, qui te unice diligo, maxime pertinet neminem esse meorum, qui aut te non amet aut abs te non ametur. Illa pars epistulae tuae minime fuit necessaria, in qua exponis, quas facultates aut provincialium aut urbanorum commodorum et aliis temporibus et me ipso consule praetermiseris. Mihi enim perspecta est et ingenuitas et magnitudo animi tui; neque ego inter me atque te quicquam interesse umquam duxi praeter voluntatem institutae vitae, quod me ambitio quaedam ad honorum studium, te autem alia minime reprehendenda ratio ad honestum otium duxit. Vera quidem laude probitatis, diligentiae, religionis neque me tibi neque quemquam antcpono, amoris vero erga me. cum a fraterno amore domesticoque discessi, tibi primas defero. Vidi enim, vidi penitusque perspexi in meis variis temporibus et sollicitudines et laetitias tuas. Fuit mihi saepe et laudis nostrae gratulatio tua iucunda et timoris consolatio grata. Quin mihi nunc te absente non solum consilium, quo tu excellis, sed etiam sermonis communicatio, quae mihi suavissima tecum solet esse, maxime deest--quid dicam? in publicana re, quo in genere mihi neglegenti esse non licet, an in forensi labore, quem antea propter ambitionem sustinebam, nunc, ut dignitatem tueri gratia possim, an in ipsis domesticis negotiis, in quibus ego cum antea tum vero post discessum fratris te sermonesque nostros desidero? Postremo non labor meus, non requies, non negotium, non otium, non forenses res, non domesticae, non publicae, non privatae carere diutius tuo suavissimo atque amantissimo consilio ac sermone possunt. Atque harum rerum commemorationem verecundia saepe impedivit utriusque nostrum; nunc autem ea fuit necessaria propter eam partem epistulae tuae, per quam te ac mores tuos mihi purgatos ac probatos esse voluisti. Atque in ista incommoditate alienati illius animi et offensi illud inest tamen commodi, quod et mihi et ceteris amicis tuis nota fuit et abs te aliquanto ante testificata tua voluntas omittendae provinciae, ut, quod una non estis, non dissensione ac discidio vestro, sed voluntate ac iudicio tuo factum esse videatur. Quare et illa, quae violata, expiabuntur, et haec nostra, quae sunt sanctissime conservata, suarm religionem obtinebunt. Nos hic in re publica infirma, misera commutabili que versamur. Credo enim te audisse nostros equites paene a senatu esse diiunctos; qui primum illud valde graviter tulerunt, promulgatum ex senatus consulto fuisse, ut de eis, qui ob iudicandum accepissent, quaereretur. Qua in re decernenda cum ego casu non adfuissem, sensissemque id equestrem ordinem ferre moleste neque aperte dicere, obiurgavi senatum, ut mihi visus sum, summa cum auctoritate, et in causa non verecunda admodum gravis et copiosus fui. Ecce aliae deliciae equitum vix ferendae! quas ego non solum tuli, sed etiam ornavi. Asiam qui de censoribus conduxerunt, questi sunt in senatu se cupiditate prolapsos nimium magno conduxisse, ut induceretur locatio, postulaverunt. Ego princeps in adiutoribus atque adeo secundus; nam, ut illi auderent hos postulare, Crassus eos impulit. Invidiosa res, turpis postulatio et confessio temeritatis. Summum erat periculum, ne, si nihil impetrassent, plane alienarentur a senatu. Huic quoque rei subventum est maxime a nobis perfectumque, ut frequentissimo senatu et libentissimo uterentur multaque a me de ordinum dignitate et concordia dicta sunt Kal. Decembr. et postridie. Neque adhuc res confecta est, sed voluntas senatus perspecta; unus enim contra dixerat Metellus consul designatus. Atqui erat dicturus, ad quem propter diei brevitatem perventum non est, heros ille noster Cato. Sic ego conservans rationem institutionemque nostram tueor, ut possum, illam a me conglutinatam concordiam. Sed tamen, quoniam ista sunt tam infirma, munitur quaedam nobis ad retinendas opes nostras tuta, ut spero, via; quam tibi litteris satis explicare non possum, significatione parva ostendam tamen. Utor Pompeio familiarissime. Video, quid dicas. Cavebo, quae sunt cavenda, ac scribam alias ad te de meis consiliis capessendae rei publicae plura. Lucceium scito consulatum habere in animo statim petere. Duo enim soli dicuntur petituri, Caesar (cum eo coire per Arrium cogitat) et Bibulus (cum hoc se putat per C. Pisonem posse coniungi). Rides? Non sunt haec ridicula, mihi crede. Quid aliud scribam ad te, quid? Multa sunt, sed in aliud tempus. + exspectare velis, cures ut sciam. Iam illud modeste rogo, quod maxime cupio, ut quam primum venias. Nonis Decembribus.