Letter 225

I have not received any letter from Murena's freedman as yet. It was P. Siser who delivered the one I am answering. You speak of a letter from Servius' father, and you tell me some say that Quintus has landed in Syria: neither is true. You want to be informed how those who have come here feel or felt towards me. I have not found any ill-disposed: but, how important that is to me, I am sure you can imagine. To me the whole state of affairs is insufferably painful; and most of all that I have got myself into such a case, that the only things that can be of any use to me are precisely what I have always wished not to happen. They say the elder P. Lentulus is at Rhodes, the younger at Alexandria, and it is certain that C. Cassius has left Rhodes for Alexandria. Quintus has written to apologize to me in terms much more irritating than when he was abusing me most violently. For he says that he understands from your letter that you were annoyed with him for writing itaque se paenitere, quod animum tuum offenderit; sed se iure fecisse. Deinde perscribit spurcissime, quas ob causas fecerit. Sed neque hoc tempore nec antea patefecisset odium suum in me, nisi omnibus rebus me esse oppressum videret. Atque utinam vel nocturnis, quem ad modum tu scripseras, itineribus propius te accessissem! Nunc, nec ubi nec quando te sim visurus, possum suspicari. De coheredibus Fufidianis nihil fuit quod ad me scriberes; nam et aequum postulant, et, quicquid egisses, recte esse actum putarem. De fundo Frusinati redimendo iam pridem intellexisti voluntatem meam. Etsi tum meliore loco res erant nostrae neque tam mihi desperatum iri videbantur, tamen in eadem sum voluntate. Id quem ad modum fiat, tu videbis. Et velim, quod poteris, consideres, ut sit, unde nobis suppeditentur sumptus necessarii. Si quas habuimus facultates, eas Pompeio tum, cum id videbamur sapienter facere, detulimus. Itaque tum et a tuo vilico sumpsimus et aliunde mutuati sumus; nunc Quintus queritur per litteras sibi nos nihil dedisse, qui neque ab illo rogati sumus neque ipsi eam pecuniam aspeximus. Sed velim videas, quid sit, quod confici possit, quidque mihi de omnibus des consilii; et causam nosti. Plura ne scribam, dolore impedior. Si quid erit, quod ad quos scribendum meo nomine putes, velim, ut soles, facias, quotiensque habebis, cui des ad me litteras, nolim praetermittas. Vale. harshly about me to many people, and so he is sorry that he hurt your feelings: but he was right in what he did. Then he explains with the greatest coarseness why he did it. But he would never have shown his hatred for me either now or before, if he had not seen that everything was against me. How I wish I had got nearer to you, even by night-journeys as you suggested. Now I cannot conceive where or when I shall see you. As to my co-heirs in Fufidius' property, there was no reason for you to write to me: for their demand is quite just, and anything you did I should think right. As to the repurchase of the estate at Frusino, you know already what I wish. Though my affairs were then in a better position, and I did not expect to be in such desperate straits, still my mind has not altered. How it is to be done, you will arrange. And please consider to the best of your ability some way of obtaining ready money for current expenses. All the money I had I handed over to Pompey at a time when it seemed advisable to do so. So then I took money from your steward and borrowed from others, and now Quintus complains by letter that I did not give him a penny, when he never asked for it and I never set eyes on the money myself. But please see what can be managed and what advice you have to give me on all points: you know all about it. Grief prevents me from writing more. If there is anything you think should be written to anyone in my name, please do so as usual; and as often as you have anyone to whom you can give a letter to me, don't forget it. Farewell.

[1] Cephalio mihi a te litteras reddidit a. d. viii Id. Mart. vespere. eo autem die mane tabellarios miseram; quibus ad te dederam litteras. tuis tamen lectis litteris putavi iam aliquid rescribendum esse ea re maxime quod ostendis te pendere animi quamnam rationem sim Caesari adlaturus profectionis meae tum cum ex Italia discesserim. nihil opus est mihi nova ratione. saepe enim ad eum scripsi multisque mandavi me non potuisse, quom cupissem, sermones hominum sustinere, multaque in eam sententiam. nihil enim erat quod minus eum vellem existimare quam me tanta de re non meo consilio usum esse. posteaque quom mihi litterae a Balbo Cornelio minore missae essent illum existimare Quintum fratrem 'lituum' meae profectionis fuisse (ita enim scripsit), qui nondum cognossem quae de me Quintus scripsisset ad multos, etsi multa praesens in praesentem acerbe dixerat et fecerat, tamen nihilo minus his verbis ad Caesarem scripsi: [2] do Quinto fratre meo non minus laboro quam de me ipso, sed eum tibi commendare hoc meo tempore non audeo. illud dumtaxat tamen audebo petere abs te quod potero, ne quid existimes ab illo factum esse quo minus mea in te officia constarent minusve te diligerem potiusque semper illum auctorem nostrae coniunctionis fuisse meique itineris comitem, non ducem. qua re ceteris in rebus tantum ei tribues quantum humanitas tua amicitiaque vestra postulat. ego ei ne quid apud te obsim, id te vehementer etiam atque etiam rogo. [3] qua re si quis congressus fuerit mihi cum Caesare, etsi non dubito quin is lenis in illum futurus sit idque iam declaraverit, ego tamen is ero qui semper fui. sed, ut video, multo magis est nobis laborandum de Africa; quam quidem tu scribis confirmari cotidie magis ad condicionis spem quam victoriae. quod utinam ita esset! sed longe aliter esse intellego teque ipsum ita existimare arbitror, aliter autem scribere non fallendi sed confirmandi mei causa, praesertim cum adiungatur ad Africam etiam Hispania. [4] quod me admones ut scribam ad Antonium et ad ceteros, si quid videbitur tibi opus esse, velim facias id quod saepe fecisti. nihil enim mihi venit in mentem quod scribendum putem. quod me audis erectiorem esse animo, quid putas cum videas accessisse ad superiores aegritudines praeclaras generi actiones? tu tamen velim ne intermittas, quod eius facere poteris, scribere ad me, etiam si rem de qua scribas non habebis. semper enim adferunt aliquid mihi tuae litterae. Galeonis hereditatem crevi. puto enim cretionem simplicem fuisse, quoniam ad me nulla missa est. viii Idus Martias.