Letter 233

On August 25 I received a letter from you dated Aug. 19, and, on reading it, the sorrow which possessed me long ago at Quintus' shameful conduct, but which I had now laid aside, was reawakened in all its force. Though you could not possibly have helped sending me that letter, I wish it had not been sent. For the points you mention about the will, please see what is to be done and how. About the money, Terentia has written to me just what I suggested to you before, and, if I need it, I will draw on the sum you mention. Ille ad Kal. Sept. Athenis non videtur fore. Multa eum in Asia dicuntur morari, maxime Pharnaces. Legio XII, ad quam primam Sulla venit, lapidibus egisse hominem dicitur. Nullam putant se commoturam. Illum arbitrabantur protinus Patris in Siciliam. Sed, si hoc ita est, huc veniat necesse est. Ac mallem illim; aliquo enim modo hinc evasissem. Nunc metuo, ne sit exspectandum et cum reliquis etiam loci gravitas huic miserrimae perferenda. Quod me mones, ut ea, quae agam, ad tempus accommodem, facerem, si res pateretur, et si ullo modo fieri posset. Sed in tantis nostris peccatis tantisque nostrorum iniuriis nihil est, quod aut facere dignum nobis aut simulare possim. Sullana confers; in quibus omnia genere ipso praeclarissima fuerunt, moderatione paulo minus temperata. Haec autem eius modi sunt, ut obliviscar mei, multoque malim, quod omnibus sit melius, quam quorum utilitati meam adiunxi. Tu ad me tamen velim quam saepissime scribas eoque magis, quod praeterea nemo scribit, ac, si omnes, tuas tamen maxime exspectarem. Quod scribis illum per me Quinto fore placatiorem, scripsi ad te antea eum statim Quinto filio omnia tribuisse, nostri nullam mentionem. Vale. quam _added by Madvig, who also altered the MSS. reading_ utilitatem _to_ utilitati. Caesar probably won't reach Athens by the 1st of September. There are said to be many things that keep him in Asia, especially Pharnaces. The 12th legion, which Sulla visited first, is said to have driven him off with stones, and it is thought none of them will stir. Caesar it is supposed will go straight from Patrae to Sicily. But, if so, he must come here. I should have preferred him to go straight there, for I should have got away from here somehow. Now I am afraid I must wait for him, and in addition to other afflictions my poor daughter must endure this unhealthy climate. You advise me to make my actions fit the times. I would, if circumstances permitted, and it were anyhow possible. But what with all my own mistakes and the wrongs inflicted on me by my family, there is nothing worthy of myself that I can do or even pretend to do. You compare Sulla's reign: that in principle was all that could be noble, but it was rather too lacking in moderation. The present crisis however is such that I forget myself, and should much prefer the public cause to win rather than that with which my interests are bound up. However, please write to me as often as possible, especially as no one else writes, and, if all the world were writing, I should still look forward to your letters more than any. You say Caesar will be kinder to Quintus for my sake: but I told you before he had made every concession to young Quintus, without mentioning me. Farewell.

[1] Cum tuis dare possem litteras non praetermisi, etsi quod scriberem non habebam. tu ad nos et rarius scribis quam solebas et brevius, credo quia nihil habes quod me putes libenter legere aut audire posse. verum tamen velim (si) quid erit, qualecumque erit, scribas. est autem unum quod mihi sit optandum si quid agi de pace possit; quod nulla equidem habeo in spe; sed quia tu leviter interdum significas, cogis me sperare quod optandum vix est. [2] Philotimus dicitur id. Sext. nihil habeo de illo amplius. tu velim ad ea mihi rescribas quae ad te antea scripsi. mihi tantum temporis satis est dum ut in pessimis rebus aliquid caveam qui nihil umquam cavi. vale. xi Kal. Sextil.