Letter 257

In trying to escape from the painful sting of recollection I take refuge in recalling something to your memory. Whatever you think of it, please pardon me. The fact is I find that some of the authors over whom I am poring now, consider appropriate the very thing that I have often discussed with you, and I hope you approve of it. I mean the shrine. Please give it all the attention your affection for me dictates. For my part I have no doubt about the design (I like Cluatius' design), nor about the erection (on that I am quite determined); but I have some doubts about the place. So please consider it. I shall use all the opportunities of this enlightened age to consecrate her memory by every kind of memorial borrowed from the genius of all the masters, Greek and Latin. Perhaps it will only gall my wound: but I consider myself pledged by a kind of vow or promise; and I am more concerned about the long ages, when I shall not be here, than about my short day, which, short though it is, seems all too long to me. I have tried everything and find nothing that gives me rest. For, while I was engaged on the essay I mentioned before, I was to some extent fostering my grief. Now I reject everything and find nothing more tolerable than solitude. Philippus has not disturbed it as I feared: for after paying me a visit yesterday he returned at once to Rome. I have sent you the letter I have written at your suggestion to Brutus. Please have it delivered with your own. However I have sent you a copy of it, Eius tamen misi ad te exemplum, ut, si minus placeret, ne mitteres. Domestica quod ais ordine administrari, scribes, quae sint ea. Quaedam enim exspecto. Cocceius vide ne frustretur. Nam, Libo quod pollicetur, ut Eros scribit, non incertum puto. De sorte mea Sulpicio confido et Egnatio scilicet. De Appuleio quid est quod labores, cum sit excusatio facilis? Tibi ad me venire, ut ostendis, vide ne non sit facile. Est enim longum iter, discedentemque te, quod celeriter tibi erit fortasse faciendum, non sine magno dolore dimittam. Sed omnia, ut voles. Ego enim, quicquid feceris, id cum recte turn etiam mea causa factum putabo. When I learned yesterday from other people's letters of Antony's arrival I wondered there was nothing in yours. But perhaps it was written a day earlier than it was dated. It does not matter a bit to me; but I suppose he has rushed back to save his sureties. You say Terentia is talking about the witnesses to my will. In the first place bear in mind that I am not troubling my head about those things, and this is no time for any new or unimportant business. But anyhow are the two cases parallel? She did adhibuit, quos existimavit quaesituros, nisi scissent, quid esset. Num id etiam mihi periculi fuit? Sed tamen faciat illa quod ego. Dabo meum testamentum legendum, cui voluerit; intelleget non potuisse honorificentius a me fieri de nepote, quam fecerim. Nam, quod non advocavi ad obsignandum, primum mihi non venit in mentem, deinde ea re non venit, quia nihil attinuit. Tute scis, si modo meministi, me tibi tum dixisse, ut de tuis aliquos adduceres. Quid enim opus erat multis? Equidem domesticos iusseram. Tum tibi placuit, ut mitterem ad Silium. Inde est natum, ut ad Publilium; sed necesse neutrum fuit. Hoc tu tractabis, ut tibi videbitur.

Marcianus ad me scripsit me excusatum esse apud Appuleium a Laterense, Nasone, Laenate, Torquato, Strabone. iis velim meo nomine reddendas litteras cures gratum mihi eos fecisse. quod pro Cornificio me abhinc amplius annis xxv spopondisse dicit Flavius, etsi reus locuples est et Appuleius praediator liberalis, tamen velim des operam ut investiges ex consponsorum tabulis sitne ita (mihi enim ante aedilitatem meam nihil erat cum Cornificio. potest tamen fieri; sed scire certum velim), et appelles procuratores si tibi videtur. quamquam quid ad me? verum tamen--Pansae profectionem scribes cum scies. Atticam salvere iube et eam cura, obsecro, diligenter. Piliae salutem.