Letter 38

I have received several of your letters, from which I understood how anxiously and worriedly you desired to know what was new. We are hemmed in on every side, and no longer do we refuse to be slaves, but we fear death and expulsion as though they were greater evils, when in fact they are far lesser ones. And this present state of affairs is lamented with one voice by all, yet relieved by the word of no one. The aim, as I suspect, of those who hold power is to leave no one any means of largesse. One man alone speaks out and openly opposes them — the young Curio. He receives the greatest applause, the most honorable greetings in the forum, and besides these, many other signs of goodwill are bestowed upon him by the loyal citizens. Fufius they pursue with shouts, abuse, and hisses. From all this comes not greater hope, but greater pain, when you see the will of the citizenry unbound yet their courage bound in chains. And lest you ask me for a detailed account of individual matters, the whole situation has been brought to the point where there is no hope that not only private citizens but even magistrates will ever be free. Yet even under this oppression, conversation — at least in private gatherings and at dinner parties — is freer than it was before. Pain is beginning to overcome fear, but in such a way that everything is utterly full of despair. The Campanian law even includes a curse to be pronounced at the candidates' assembly, should anyone propose that the land be held on any terms other than those set out by the Julian laws. The rest do not hesitate to swear the oath; Laterensis is thought to have acted admirably in abandoning his candidacy for the tribunate of the plebs rather than take the oath. But I have no desire to write more about public affairs. I am displeased with myself and I write not without the deepest anguish. I maintain my position — not abjectly, given that all are oppressed, yet not bravely enough, given the great deeds I have accomplished. I am most generously invited by Caesar to join that staff appointment, to serve as his legate, and a free commission on the pretext of fulfilling a vow is also offered. But the first option does not provide sufficient protection against the spite of our pretty boy, and it would send me away before my brother's return; the second is better fortified and does not prevent me from being present whenever I wish. This latter I hold in reserve, but I do not think I shall use it, nor does anyone yet know of it. I have no desire to flee; I burn to fight. The enthusiasm of men on my behalf is great. But I affirm nothing; you will keep silent about this. About the manumission of Statius and certain other matters I am indeed pained, but by now I have become entirely calloused. I wish — indeed I deeply desire — that you were here; I would lack neither counsel nor consolation. But prepare yourself so that, if I cry out for you, you come flying.

I have received several letters of yours, and from them I see with what tense anxiety you are looking forward to news. We are hemmed in on every side; yet we do not rebel at servitude, fearing death and exile as though they were greater evils, whereas they are really far lesser evils. Yes, that is the position, and though every one groans about it, not a voice is raised to relieve it. The object, I presume, of those who hold the reins is to leave nothing for anyone else to give away. One man only opens his mouth and opposes them publicly, and that is young Curio. The loyal party cheers him loudly, greets him in the forum with the highest respect, and shows its good-will to him in many other ways, while Fufius is pursued with shouts and jeers and hisses. But this raises not one’s hope so much as one’s disgust at seeing the people’s will so free and their courage so enslaved. And, not to enter into details with you, affairs have come to such a pass that there is no hope of ever again having free magistrates, let alone a free people. But in the midst of this tyranny speech is freer than ever, at any rate in clubs and over our et in conviviis est liberior quam fuit. Vincere incipit timorem dolor, sed ita, ut omnia sint plenissima desperationis. Habet etiam Campana lex exsecrationem candidatorum, si mentionem in contione fecerint, quo aliter ager possideatur atque ut ex legibus Iuliis. Non dubitant iurare ceteri; Laterensis existimatur laute fecisse, quod tribunatum pl. petere destitit, ne iuraret. Sed de re publica non libet plura scribere. Displiceo mihi nec sine summo scribo dolore. Me tueor ut oppressis omnibus non demisse, ut tantis rebus gestis parum fortiter. A Caesare valde liberaliter invitor in legationem illam, sibi ut sim legatus, atque etiam libera legatio voti causa datur. Sed haec et praesidii apud pudorem Pulchelli non habet satis et a fratris adventu me ablegat, illa et munitior est et non impedit, quo minus adsim, cum velim. Hanc ego teneo, sed usurum me non puto, neque tamen scit quisquam. Non lubet fugere, aveo pugnare. Magna sunt hominum studia. Sed nihil adfirmo; tu hoc silebis. De Statio manu misso et non nullis aliis rebus angor equidem, sed iam prorsus occallui. Tu vellem cups. Disgust is beginning to conquer fear, though it still leaves the blankest despair everywhere. The Campanian law goes so far as to impose upon candidates a formula of execration upon themselves if they propose any different occupation of the land to that laid down by the Julian laws, to be used by them in their speech as candidates. The others showed no compunction in taking the oath: but Laterensis is thought a hero because he threw up his candidature for the tribunate rather than take it. I have no heart to write more about politics. I am disgusted with myself and it is agony to me to write. I stand my ground without losing self-respect considering the universal servility, but with less courage than I could wish considering my past record. Caesar most liberally invites me to take a place on his personal staff: and I even have an offer of a free travelling pass nominally to fulfil a vow. But it is hardly safe to trust to that Beauty’s delicacy to that extent. Besides it would mean that I should not be here for my brother’s return. The other post is much safer, and does not prevent me from being here when I wish. The free pass I have, but I don’t think I shall use it. No one knows of it however. I don’t want to run away; I long to fight. I have plenty of ardent admirers. But I won’t take my oath on anything, and please don’t mention what I’ve said. I am much distressed about the manumission of Statius and some other things, but I’ve become thick-skinned by now. I wish you were here, I long for ego vel cuperem adesses; nec mihi consilium nec consolatio deesset. Sed ita te para, ut, si inclamaro, advoles.

accepi aliquot epistulas tuas, ex quibus intellexi quam suspenso animo et sollicito scire averes quid esset novi. tenemur undique neque iam quo minus serviamus recusamus, sed mortem et eiectionem quasi maiora timemus, quae multo sunt minora. atque hic status qui nunc est una voce omnium gemitur neque verbo cuiusquam sublevatur. Skopos est, ut suspicor, illis qui tenent, nullam cuiquam argitionem relinquere. Vnus loquitur et palam adversatur adulescens Curio. huic plausus maximi, consalutatio forensis perhonorifica, signa praeterea benevolentiae permulta a bonis impertiuntur. Fufium clamoribus et conviciis et sibilis consectantur. his ex rebus non spes, sed dolor est maior cum videas civitatis voluntatem solutam, virtutem adligatam. [2] ac ne forte quaeras kata lepton de singulis rebus, universa res eo est deducta spes ut nulla sit aliquando non modo privatos verum etiam magistratus liberos fore. hac tamen in oppressione sermo in circulis dumtaxat et in conviviis est liberior quam fuit. vincere incipit timorem dolor, sed ita ut omnia sint plenissima desperationis. habet etiam Campana lex exsecrationem in contione candidatorum, si mentionem fecerint quo aliter ager possideatur atque ut ex legibus Iuliis. non dubitant iurare ceteri; Laterensis existimatur laute fecisse quod tribunatum pl. petere destitit ne iuraret. [3] sed de re publica non libet plura scribere. displiceo mihi nec sine summo scribo dolore. me tueor ut oppressis omnibus non demisse, ut tantis rebus gestis parum fortiter. A Caesare valde liberaliter invitor in legationem illam, sibi ut sim legatus, atque etiam libera legatio voti causa datur. sed haec et praesidi apud pudorem pulchelli non habet satis et a fratris adventu me ablegat, illa et munitior est et non impedit quo minus adsim quom velim. hanc ego teneo sed usurum me non puto, neque tamen scit quisquam. non lubet fugere, aveo pugnare. Magna sunt hominum studia. sed nihil adfirmo; tu hoc silebis. [4] de Statio manu misso et non nullis aliis rebus angor equidem, sed iam prorsus occallui. tu vellem ego vel cuperem adesses; nec mihi consilium nec consolatio deesset. sed ita te para ut, si inclamaro, advoles.