Letter 415

When I had started from Leucopetra—for that was where I began my crossing—on the sixth of August and gone some forty miles, I was driven back to Leucopetra again by a strong south wind. While I was waiting there for the wind—our friend Valerius has a house there, so I was at home and enjoying myself—there came some men of mark of Regium, fresh from Rome, among them a guest of our friend Brutus, who said he had left Brutus at Naples. They brought an edict of Brutus and Cassius and news that there would be a full meeting of the House on the first of the month and that a letter had been sent by Brutus and Cassius to the ex-consuls ut adessent, rogare. Summam spem nuntiabant fore ut Antonius cederet, res conveniret, nostri Romam redirent. Addebant etiam me desiderari, subaccusari. Quae cum audissem, sine ulla dubitatione abieci consilium profectionis, quo mehercule ne antea quidem delectabar. Lectis vero tuis litteris admiratus equidem sum te tam vehementer sententiam commutasse, sed non sine causa arbitrabar. Etsi, quamvis non fueris suasor et impulsor profectionis meae, adprobator certe fuisti, dum modo Kal. Ian. Romae essem. Ita fiebat, ut, dum minus periculi videretur, abessem, in flammam ipsam venirem. Sed haec, etiamsi non prudenter, tamen ἀνεμέσητα sunt, primum quod de mea sententia acta sunt, deinde, etiamsi te auctore, quid debet, qui consilium dat, praestare praeter fidem? Illud admirari satis non potui, quod scripsisti his verbis: "Bene igitur tu, qui εὐθανασίαν, bene! relinque patriam." An ego relinquebam aut tibi tum relinquere videbar? Tu id non modo non inhibebas, verum etiam adprobabas. Graviora, quae restant. "Velim σχόλιον aliquod elimes ad me oportuisse te istuc facere." Itane, mi Attice? defensione eget meum factum, praesertim apud te, qui id mirabiliter adprobasti? Ego vero istum ἀπολογισμὸν συντάξομαι, sed ad eorum aliquem, quibus invitis et and ex-praetors asking them to be present. They said there were great hopes that Antony might yield, some agreement be arrived at, and our friends allowed to return to Rome; and they added that I was missed and people were inclined to blame me. When I heard that, I had no hesitation about giving up my idea of going away, which to be sure I had never fancied even before that: and when I read your letter, I was certainly surprised that you had so utterly changed your opinion; but there seemed to me to be good reason for it. However, though it was not you who persuaded and urged me to go, you certainly approved of my going, if I got back by the end of the year. That would have meant, that, when there was little danger, I should have been away, and should return when it was in full blaze. But that, although it was not a counsel of prudence, I have no right to resent, first because it happened by my own wish, and secondly, even if you had advised me, an adviser need not guarantee anything but his sincerity. What did astonish me beyond measure was that you should use the words: "A fine thing for you, who talk of a noble death, a fine thing, i' faith. Go, desert your country." Was I deserting it, or did you at the time think I was deserting it? You not only raised no finger against it, you even approved of it. The rest is even more severe: "I wish you would write me an explanatory note showing that it was your duty to do it?" So, my dear Atticus? Does my action need defending, especially to you, who expressed strong approval? Yes, I will write a defence, but for some of those who opposed my going and spoke against it. dissuadentibus profectus sum. Etsi quid iam opus est σχολίῳ? si perseverassem, opus fuisset. "At hoc ipsum non constanter." Nemo doctus umquam (multa autem de hoc genere scripta sunt) mutationem consilii inconstantiam dixit esse. Deinceps igitur haec: "Nam, si a Phaedro nostro esses, expedita excusatio esset; nunc quid respondemus?" Ergo id erat meum factum, quod Catoni probare non possem? flagitii scilicet plenum et dedecoris. Utinam a primo ita tibi esset visum! tu mihi, sicut esse soles, fuisses Cato. Extremum illud vel molestissimum: "Nam Brutus noster silet," hoc est: non audet hominem id aetatis monere. Aliud nihil habeo, quod ex iis a te verbis significari putem, et hercule ita est. Nam, XVI Kal. Sept. cum venissem Veliam, Brutus audivit; erat enim cum suis navibus apud Heletem fluvium citra Veliam mil. pass. III. Pedibus ad me statim. Dei immortales, quam valde ille reditu vel potius reversione mea laetatus effudit illa omnia, quae tacuerat! ut recordarer illud tuum "Nam Brutus noster silet." Maxime autem dolebat me Kal. Sext. in senatu non fuisse. Pisonem ferebat in caelum; se autem laetari, quod effugissem duas maximas vituperationes, unam, quam itinere faciendo me intellegebam suscipere, desperationis ac relictionis rei publicae (flentes mecum vulgo querebantur, quibus de meo celeri reditu non probabam), alteram, de qua Brutus, et qui una erant (multi autem erant), laetabantur, Though what need is there of an explanatory note? If I had gone on, there would have been. "But coming back is not consistent." No philosopher ever called a change of plan inconsistency, though there has been a good deal written on the point. So you add: "If you were a follower of our friend Phaedrus, one would have a defence ready: but, as it is, what answer can one give?" So my deed was one Cato would not approve of, was it? Of course then it was criminal and disgraceful. Would to heaven you had thought so at first; you should have been my Cato, as you usually are. Your last cut is the most unkind of all: "For our friend Brutus holds his peace," that is to say, he does not dare remonstrate with a man of my age. I see no other meaning that I can attach to your words, and no doubt that is it. For on the 17th, when I reached Velia, Brutus heard of it—he was with his boats on the river Heles about three miles from Velia; and he came at once on foot to see me. Great heavens, how he let out all his pent-up silence in joy at my return or rather my turning back. I could not help thinking of your "Our friend Brutus holds his peace." But what he regretted most was that I was not in the House on the first of August. Piso he lauded to the skies: and he expressed his delight that I had escaped two grounds for reproach. One of these was that of despairing and abandoning the country—and that I knew I might incur in undertaking the voyage; for many had complained to me with tears in their eyes, and I could not convince them of my speedy return. The other point that rejoiced Brutus and those who were with him—and there quod eam vituperationem effugissem, me existimari ad Olympia. Hoc vero nihil turpius quovis rei publicae tempore, sed hoc ἀναπολόγητον. Ego vero austro gratias miras, qui me a tanta infamia averterit. Reversionis has speciosas causas habes, iustas illas quidem et magnas; sed nulla iustior, quam quod tu idem aliis litteris: "Provide, si cui quid debetur, ut sit, unde par pari respondeatur. Mirifica enim δυσχρηστία est propter metum armorum." In freto medio hanc epistulam legi, ut, quid possem providere, in mentem mihi non veniret, nisi ut praesens me ipse defenderem. Sed haec hactenus; reliqua coram. Antoni edictum legi a Bruto et horum contra scriptum praeclare; sed, quid ista edicta valeant aut quo spectent, plane non video. Nec ego nunc, ut Brutus censebat, istuc ad rem publicam capessendam venio. Quid enim fieri potest? Num quis Pisoni est adsensus? num rediit ipse postridie? Sed abesse hanc aetatem longe a sepulcro negant oportere. Sed, obsecro te, quid est, quod audivi de Bruto? Piliam πειράζεσθαι παραλύσει te scripsisse aiebat Valde sum commotus. Etsi idem te scribere sperare melius. Ita plane velim, et ei dicas plurimam salutem et suavissimae Atticae. Haec scripsi navigans, cum prope Pompeianum accederem, XIIII Kal. were a lot of them—was that I had escaped the reproach of being thought to be going to the Olympian games. Nothing could be more disgraceful than that in any political circumstances, but at the present time it would be inexcusable. I of course felt very grateful to the south wind, which had saved me from such infamy. There you have the ostensible reasons for my return; and they are good and sufficient reasons too; but none of them is better than one you mention in your letter: "If you owe anything to anyone, take measures to provide yourself with the means to pay each his due. For the money market is wonderfully tight owing to fear of war." I was in the middle of the straits when I read this letter, and I could not think of any way of taking measures, unless I came to look after it myself. But enough of this; more when we meet. I got a sight of Antony's edict from Brutus, and of our friends' magnificent answer; but I don't quite see the use or the object of these edicts. Nor have I come as Brutus thought, to take part in the management of affairs. For what can be done? Did anybody agree with Piso? Did he himself come back the next day? But, as the saying goes, a man of my time of life ought not to go far from his grave. But for mercy's sake what is this that I hear from Brutus! He says you told him Pilia had had an attack of paralysis. I am very much disturbed about it, though he tells me you say you hope she is better. I sincerely hope she is; give her and darling Attica my best regards. This I have written on ship-board, as I was getting near to Pompeii, Aug. 19.

viii Idus Sextil. cum a Leucopetra profectus (inde enim tramittebam) stadia circiter ccc processissem, reiectus sum austro vehementi ad eandem Leucopetram. ibi cum ventum exspectarem (erat enim villa Valeri nostri, ut familiariter essem et libenter), Regini quidam illustres homines eo venerunt Roma sane recentes, in iis Bruti nostri hospes qui Brutum Neapoli reliquisset. haec adferebant, edictum Bruti et Cassi, et fore frequentem senatum Kalendis, a Bruto et Cassio litteras missas ad consularis et praetorios ut adessent rogare. summam spem nuntiabant fore ut Antonius cederet, res conveniret, nostri Romam redirent. addebant etiam me desiderari, subaccusari. [2] quae cum audissem, sine ulla dubitatione abieci consilium profectionis quo me hercule ne antea quidem delectabar. Lectis vero tuis litteris admiratus equidem sum te tam vehementer sententiam commutasse, sed non sine causa arbitrabar. etsi, quamvis non fueris suasor et impulsor profectionis meae, adprobator certe fuisti, dum modo Kal. Ian. Romae essem. ita fiebat ut, dum minus periculi videretur, abessem, in flammam ipsam venirem. sed haec, etiam si non prudenter, tamen a)neme/shta sunt, primum quod de mea sententia acta sunt, deinde etiam si te auctore, quid debet qui consilium dat praestare praeter fidem? illud admirari satis non potui quod scripsisti his verbis, 'bene igitur tu qui eu)qanasi/an , bene! relinque patriam.' an ego relinquebam aut tibi tum relinquere videbar? tu id non modo non prohibebas verum etiam adprobabas. graviora quae restant velim sxo/lion aliquod elimes ad me oportuisse te istuc facere.' itane, mi Attice? defensione eget meum factum, praesertim apud te qui id mirabiliter adprobasti? ego vero istum a)pologismo\n sunta/comai , sed ad eorum aliquem quibus invitis et dissuadentibus profectus sum. etsi quid iam opus est sxoli/w? ? 'si perseverassem, opus fuisset. 'at hoc ipsum non constanter.' nemo doctus umquam (multa autem de hoc genere scripta sunt) mutationem consili inconstantiam dixit esse. [4] deinceps igitur haec, 'nam si a Phaedro nostro esses, expedita excusatio esset; nunc quid respondemus?' ergo id erat meum factum quod Catoni probare non possim? flagiti scilicet plenum et dedecoris. Vtinam a primo ita tibi esset visum! tu mihi, sicut esse soles, fuisses Cato. [5] extremum illud vel molestissimum, 'nam Brutus noster silet,' hoc est, non audet hominem id aetatis monere. aliud nihil habeo quod ex iis a te verbis significari putem, et hercule ita est. nam xvi Kal. Sept. cum venissem Veliam, Brutus audivit; erat enim cum suis navibus apud Haletem fluvium citra Veliam milia passus III. pedibus ad me statim. di immortales, quam valde ille reditu vel potius reversione mea laetatus effudit illa omnia quae tacuerat! ut recordarer illud tuum. 'nam Brutus noster silet.' maxime autem dolebat me Kal. Sext in senatu non fuisse. Pisonem ferebat in caelum; se autem laetari quod effugissem duas maximas vituperationes, unam, quam itinere faciendo me intellegebam suscipere, desperationis ac reictionis rei publicae (flentes mecum vulgo querebantur quibus de meo celeri reditu non probabam), alteram, de qua Brutus et qui una erant (multi autem erant) laetabantur, quod eam vituperationem effugissem me existimari ad Olympia. hoc vero nihil turpius quovis rei publicae tempore sed hoc a)napolo/ghton . ego vero austro gratias miras qui me a tanta infamia averterit. [6] reversionis has speciosas causas habes iustas illas qui dem et magnas; sed nulla iustior quam quod tu idem aliis litteris, 'provide, si cui quid debetur, ut sit unde par pari respondeatur. mirifica enim dusxrhsti/a est propter metum armorum.' in freto medio hanc epistulam legi, ut quid possem providere in mentem mihi non veniret nisi ut praesens me ipse defenderem. sed haec hactenus; reliqua coram. [7] Antoni edictum legi a Bruto et horum contra scriptum praeclare; sed quid ista edicta valeant aut quo spectent plane non video. nec ego nunc, ut Brutus censebat, istuc ad rem publicam capessendam venio. quid enim fieri potest? num quis Pisoni est adsensus? num rediit ipse postridie? sed abesse hanc aetatem longe a sepulcro negant oportere. [8] sed obsecro te, quid est quod audivi de Bruto? Piliam peira/zesqai paralu/sei te scripsisse aiebat. valde sum commotus. etsi idem te scribere sperare melius. ita plane velim et ei dicas plurimam salutem et suavissimae Atticae. haec scripsi navigans cum <prope> Pompeianum accederem xiiii Kal.