Marcus Tullius Cicero→Titus Pomponius Atticus|c. -58 AD|Cicero|AI-assisted
I arrived at Brundisium on the fourteenth day before the Kalends of May. On that day your slaves delivered a letter from you, and other slaves brought a second letter three days later. As for your invitation and encouragement to stay with you in Epirus, your kindness is most welcome to me and hardly unexpected. It would indeed have been my preferred plan, if I could spend all my time there; for I hate crowds, I flee from people, I can scarcely bear to look upon the light — that solitude, especially in so familiar a place, would not have been bitter to me. But as a stopping point on my journey, first it is out of the way, then I would be only four days from Autronius and the rest, and then you would not be there. A fortified stronghold would serve me well if I were settling in to stay, but for one merely passing through it is unnecessary. If I dared, I would make for Athens. Things were indeed falling out as I would have wished. But now my enemies are there, I do not have you with me, and I fear they may judge that town too as not far enough removed from Italy. Nor do you write by what date I should expect you.
As for your calling me back to life, you accomplish one thing — that I stay my own hand — but the other you cannot: that I not regret our decision and my life. For what is there to hold me here, especially if that hope which attended my departure is gone? I shall not go through the catalogue of all the miseries into which I have fallen through the supreme injustice and wickedness not so much of my enemies as of those who envied me, lest I stir up my own grief and summon you into the same mourning. This I affirm: no one has ever been afflicted by so great a calamity, and for no one has death ever been more to be wished for. The most honorable moment for meeting it has been let slip; what remains now serves not so much as remedy but as an end to pain.
On public affairs, I see you gathering together everything you think might bring me some hope of a change in circumstances. Though these are slender, still, since it pleases you, let us wait. But do catch up with me all the same, if you hasten; for either I shall proceed into Epirus or travel slowly through Candavia. My hesitation about Epirus was caused not by any fickleness on my part but because I did not know where I would see my brother. And indeed I know neither how I shall face him nor how I shall part from him. That is the greatest and most wretched of all my wretchednesses. I would write to you both more often and at greater length, were it not that my grief has robbed me of every faculty of mind, but above all of this kind. I long to see you. Take care of yourself. Given on the day before the Kalends of May, at Brundisium.
I arrived at Brundisium on April 17, and on the same day your men
delivered a letter from you. The next day but one some others brought me
another letter. I am very grateful for your kind invitation to stay at
your place in Epirus, though I expected it. It is a plan, which would
have just suited me, if I could have stayed there all the time. 1 hate a
crowd, I shun my fellow-men, I can hardly bear to look upon the light:
so the solitude there, especially as I am so at home there, would have
been far from unpleasant. But for stopping on the route it is too far
out of the way: moreover I should be only four days’ march from
Autronius and the rest, moreover you would not be there yourself. Yes, a
fortified place would be useful to me if I were settling there, but it
is unnecessary, when I am merely passing. If I dared, I should make for
Athens; and things were turning out right for it: but now my enemies are
there, you have not joined me, and I am afraid that town too may not be
counted far enough away from Italy. Nor have you let me know when I may
expect you.
Your pleas to me not to think of suicide have one result that I refrain
from laying violent hands on myself; but you cannot make me cease to
regret our decision and my existence. What is there for me to live for,
especially if I have lost even that hope I had when I set out? I will
forbear to mention all the miseries into which I have fallen through the
villainous machinations not so much of my enemies, as of
quam invidorum, ne et meum maerorem exagitem et te in eundem luctum
vocem; hoc adfirmo, neminem umquam tanta calamitate esse adfectum,
nemini mortem magis optandam fuisse. Cuius oppetendae tempus
honestissimum praetermissum est; reliqua tempora sunt non iam ad
medicinam, sed ad finem doloris.
De re publica video te colligere omnia quae putes aliquam spem mihi
posse adferre mutandarum rerum. Quae quamquam exigua sunt, tamen,
quoniam placet, exspectemus. Tu nihilo minus, si properaris, nos
consequere; nam aut accedemus in Epirum aut tarde per Candaviam ibimus.
Dubitationem autem de Epiro non inconstantia nostra adferebat, sed quod
de fratre, ubi eum visuri essemus, nesciebamus; quem quidem ego nec quo
modo visurus nec ut dimissurus sim, scio. Id est maximum et miserrimum
mearum omnium miseriarum. Ego et saepius ad te et plura scriberem, nisi
mihi dolor meus cum omnes partes mentis tum maxime huius generis
facultatem ademisset. Videre te cupio. Cura ut valeas.
Data pr. Kal. Mai. Brundisii.
Brundisium veni a. d xiiii Kal. Maias. eo die pueri tui mihi a te litteras reddiderunt, et alii pueri post diem tertium eius diei alias litteras attulerunt. quod me rogas et hortaris ut apud te in Epiro sim, voluntas tua mihi valde grata est et minime nova. esset consilium mihi quidem optatum, si liceret ibi omne tempus consumere; odi enim celebritatem, fugio homines, lucem aspicere vix possum, esset mihi ista solitudo, praesertim tam familiari in loco, non amara; sed itineris causa ut deverterer, primum est devium, deinde ab Autronio et ceteris quadridui, deinde sine te. nam castellum munitum habitanti mihi prodesset, transeunti non est necessarium. quod si auderem, Athenas peterem. sane ita cadebat ut vellem. nunc et nostri hostes ibi sunt et te non habemus et veremur ne interpretentur illud quoque oppidum ab Italia non satis abesse nec scribis quam ad diem te exspectemus. [2] quod me ad vitam vocas, unum efficis ut a me manus abstineam, alterum non potes ut me non nostri consili vitaeque paeniteat. quid enim est quod me retineat, praesertim si spes ea non est quae nos proficiscentis prosequebatur? non faciam ut enumerem miserias omnis in quas incidi per summam iniuriam et scelus non tam inimicorum meorum quam invidorum, ne et meum maerorem exagitem et te in eundem luctum vocem; hoc adfirmo, neminem umquam tanta calamitate esse adfectum, nemini mortem magis optandam fuisse. quoius oppetendae tempus honestissimum praetermissum est; reliqua tempora sunt non tam ad medicinam quam ad finem doloris. [3] de re publica video te conligere omnia quae putes aliquam spem mihi posse adferre mutandarum rerum. quae quamquam exigua sunt, tamen, quoniam placet, exspectemus. tu nihilo minus si properans nos consequere; nam aut accedemus in Epirum aut tarde per Candaviam ibimus. dubitationem autem de Epiro non inconstantia nostra adferebat sed quod de fratre ubi eum visuri essemus nesciebamus; quem quidem ego nec (quo) modo visurus nec ut dimissurus sim scio. id est maximum et miserrimum mearum omnium miseriarum. ego et saepius ad te et plura scriberem, nisi mihi dolor meus cum omnis partis mentis tum maxime huius generis facultatem ademisset. videre te cupio. cura ut valeas. data pr. Kal. Mat Brundisi.
◆
I arrived at Brundisium on the fourteenth day before the Kalends of May. On that day your slaves delivered a letter from you, and other slaves brought a second letter three days later. As for your invitation and encouragement to stay with you in Epirus, your kindness is most welcome to me and hardly unexpected. It would indeed have been my preferred plan, if I could spend all my time there; for I hate crowds, I flee from people, I can scarcely bear to look upon the light — that solitude, especially in so familiar a place, would not have been bitter to me. But as a stopping point on my journey, first it is out of the way, then I would be only four days from Autronius and the rest, and then you would not be there. A fortified stronghold would serve me well if I were settling in to stay, but for one merely passing through it is unnecessary. If I dared, I would make for Athens. Things were indeed falling out as I would have wished. But now my enemies are there, I do not have you with me, and I fear they may judge that town too as not far enough removed from Italy. Nor do you write by what date I should expect you.
As for your calling me back to life, you accomplish one thing — that I stay my own hand — but the other you cannot: that I not regret our decision and my life. For what is there to hold me here, especially if that hope which attended my departure is gone? I shall not go through the catalogue of all the miseries into which I have fallen through the supreme injustice and wickedness not so much of my enemies as of those who envied me, lest I stir up my own grief and summon you into the same mourning. This I affirm: no one has ever been afflicted by so great a calamity, and for no one has death ever been more to be wished for. The most honorable moment for meeting it has been let slip; what remains now serves not so much as remedy but as an end to pain.
On public affairs, I see you gathering together everything you think might bring me some hope of a change in circumstances. Though these are slender, still, since it pleases you, let us wait. But do catch up with me all the same, if you hasten; for either I shall proceed into Epirus or travel slowly through Candavia. My hesitation about Epirus was caused not by any fickleness on my part but because I did not know where I would see my brother. And indeed I know neither how I shall face him nor how I shall part from him. That is the greatest and most wretched of all my wretchednesses. I would write to you both more often and at greater length, were it not that my grief has robbed me of every faculty of mind, but above all of this kind. I long to see you. Take care of yourself. Given on the day before the Kalends of May, at Brundisium.
AI-assisted translation — This translation was produced with AI assistance and has not been peer-reviewed. See the 19th-century translation or original Latin/Greek below for scholarly use.
Latin / Greek Original
Brundisium veni a. d xiiii Kal. Maias. eo die pueri tui mihi a te litteras reddiderunt, et alii pueri post diem tertium eius diei alias litteras attulerunt. quod me rogas et hortaris ut apud te in Epiro sim, voluntas tua mihi valde grata est et minime nova. esset consilium mihi quidem optatum, si liceret ibi omne tempus consumere; odi enim celebritatem, fugio homines, lucem aspicere vix possum, esset mihi ista solitudo, praesertim tam familiari in loco, non amara; sed itineris causa ut deverterer, primum est devium, deinde ab Autronio et ceteris quadridui, deinde sine te. nam castellum munitum habitanti mihi prodesset, transeunti non est necessarium. quod si auderem, Athenas peterem. sane ita cadebat ut vellem. nunc et nostri hostes ibi sunt et te non habemus et veremur ne interpretentur illud quoque oppidum ab Italia non satis abesse nec scribis quam ad diem te exspectemus. [2] quod me ad vitam vocas, unum efficis ut a me manus abstineam, alterum non potes ut me non nostri consili vitaeque paeniteat. quid enim est quod me retineat, praesertim si spes ea non est quae nos proficiscentis prosequebatur? non faciam ut enumerem miserias omnis in quas incidi per summam iniuriam et scelus non tam inimicorum meorum quam invidorum, ne et meum maerorem exagitem et te in eundem luctum vocem; hoc adfirmo, neminem umquam tanta calamitate esse adfectum, nemini mortem magis optandam fuisse. quoius oppetendae tempus honestissimum praetermissum est; reliqua tempora sunt non tam ad medicinam quam ad finem doloris. [3] de re publica video te conligere omnia quae putes aliquam spem mihi posse adferre mutandarum rerum. quae quamquam exigua sunt, tamen, quoniam placet, exspectemus. tu nihilo minus si properans nos consequere; nam aut accedemus in Epirum aut tarde per Candaviam ibimus. dubitationem autem de Epiro non inconstantia nostra adferebat sed quod de fratre ubi eum visuri essemus nesciebamus; quem quidem ego nec (quo) modo visurus nec ut dimissurus sim scio. id est maximum et miserrimum mearum omnium miseriarum. ego et saepius ad te et plura scriberem, nisi mihi dolor meus cum omnis partis mentis tum maxime huius generis facultatem ademisset. videre te cupio. cura ut valeas. data pr. Kal. Mat Brundisi.