Letter 64

So long as your letters afforded me any ground for it, my hopes and my longings kept me at Thessalonica: but, as soon as I saw that all political business for this year had come to an end, I made up my mind not to go to Asia, because I cannot put up with society and I do not want to be far away in case the new magistrates should make a move. So I determined to go to your house in Epirus, not that the mea interesset loci natura, qui lucem omnino fugerem, sed et ad salutem lubentissime ex tuo portu proficiscar, et, si ea praecisa erit, nusquam facilius hanc miserrimam vitam vel sustentabo vel, quod multo est melius, abiecero. Ero cum paucis, multitudinem dimittam. Me tuae litterae numquam in tantam spem adduxerunt quantam aliorum; ac tamen mea spes etiam tenuior semper fuit quam tuae litterae. Sed tamen, quoniam coeptum est agi, quoquo modo coeptum est et quacumque de causa, non deseram neque optumi atque unici fratris miseras ac luctuosas preces, nec Sesti ceterorumque promissa, nec spem aerumnosissimae mulieris Terentiae, nec miserrimae mulieris Tulliolae obsecrationem et fideles litteras tuas. Mihi Epirus aut iter ad salutem dabit, aut quod scripsi supra. Te oro et obsecro, T. Pomponi, si me omnibus amplissimis, carissimis iucundissimisque rebus perfidia hominum spoliatum, si me a meis consiliariis proditum et proiectum vides, si intellegis me coactum, ut ipse me et meos perderem, ut me tua misericordia iuves et Quintum fratrem, qui potest esse salvus, sustentes, Terentiam liberosque meos tueare, me, si putas te istic visurum, exspectes, si minus, invisas, si potes, mihique ex agro tuo tantum adsignes, quantum meo corpore occupari potest, et pueros ad me cum litteris quam primum et quam saepissime mittas. Data XVI Kal. Octobres. features of the place make any difference to me now that I shun the light of day entirely, but I should like to sail back to freedom from a port of yours, and, if that hope is cut off, I could not find a better place either to drag on my miserable existence, or, what is preferable, to end it. I shall have few people about me, and shall get free from society. Your letters never aroused my hopes as much as other people’s: and yet my hopes were always fainter than your letters. However, since some kind of a move has been made in the matter, whatever kind it may be and whatsoever its cause, I will not disappoint either my dear and only brother’s sad and touching entreaties, nor the promises of Sestius and others, nor the appeals of my wife in her deep affliction and my little Tullia in her misery, nor your own true-hearted letters. Epirus shall be my road back to freedom or to what I mentioned before. I beg and beseech you, Pomponius, as you see how I have been robbed of my honours and of my dearest and fondest possessions by men’s treachery, as you see how I was betrayed and cast aside by those on whose advice I relied, as you know how I was forced into betraying myself and my family, of your pity help me, and support my brother Quintus, who is not past salvation: guard Terentia and my children; as for me, wait for me in Rome, if you think there is any chance of seeing me there. If not, come to see me, if you can, and allot me of your land enough for my body to rest in; and send a man with letters as soon and as often as possible. Sept. 15.

quoad eius modi mihi litterae a vobis adferebantur ut aliquid ex iis esset exspectandum, spe et cupiditate Thessalonicae retentus sum; postea quam omnis actio huius anni confecta nobis videbatur, in Asiam ire nolui, quod et celebritas mihi odio est et, si fieret aliquid a novis magistratibus, abesse longe nolebam. itaque in Epirum ad te statui me conferre, non quo mea interesset loci natura qui lucem omnino fugerem, sed et (ad) salutem libentissime ex tuo portu proficiscar et, si ea praecisa erit, nusquam facilius hanc miserrimam vitam vel sustentabo vel, quod multo est melius, abiecero. (ero) cum paucis, multitudinem dimittam. [2] me tuae litterae numquam in tantam spem adduxerunt quantam aliorum; ac tamen mea spes etiam tenuior semper fuit quam tuae litterae. sed tamen quoniam coeptum est agi, quoquo modo coeptum est et quacumque de causa, non deseram neque optimi atque unici fratris miseras ac luctuosas preces nec Sesti ceterorumque promissa nec spem aerumnosissimae mulieris Terentiae nec miserrimae [mulieris] Tulliolae obsecrationem et fidelis litteras tuas. mihi Epirus aut iter ad salutem dabit aut quod scripsi supra. [3] te oro et obsecro, T. Pomponi, si me omnibus amplissimis, carissimis iucundissimisque rebus perfidia hominum spoliatum, si me a meis consiliariis proditum et proiectum vides, si intellegis me coactum ut ipse me et meos perderem, ut me tua misericordia iuves et Quintum fratrem qui potest esse salvus sustentes, Terentiam liberosque meos tueare, me, si putas te istic visurum, exspectes, si minus, invisas, si potes, mihique ex agro tuo tantum adsignes quantum meo corpore occupari potest, et pueros ad me cum litteris quam primum et quam saepissime mittas. data xvi Kal. Octobris.