Letter 14

Faustus, from Ennodius. I would prefer, I confess, not to open the causes of my delays, lest my heart, now belatedly restored to peace and joy, be disturbed again by a sorrowful account, and lest I find in the telling a renewed beginning for my grief. For the man who does not shrink from reviewing past anguish once it is over nearly deserves it. Who would revive anxieties that have been brought to their conclusion by the untimely compulsion of speech? But between us and the nature of things there is a bond of trust, to which sincerity in recounting, from whatever cause, is owed. I willingly endure the stings of recalled sorrow, provided nothing is lost to truth; and lest through a weakness of tender mind I dishonor my page with falsehood, I freely bear what I report. The health of the holy bishop your father was brought nearly to the point of doubt, and although the whole Church wept during his illness, a special grief afflicted me, who owe more to his love. I saw the peace of the city, under the pressure of discord, crossing the threshold of our town and slipping from our sight like some uncertain or wandering divinity. But let a brief narrative suffice for sorrows. Now the longed-for health of the holy father breathes again toward recovery. For as soon as my mind returned to safe harbor, it immediately heeded your commands. I have dispatched servants to inform me faithfully about the welfare of your Eminence and of the whole holy household. I hang in suspense again, stretched between hope and fear in uncertain estimation — I who must be anxious about the welfare of another parent. Who can match my cares? Who can equal the turmoil of one pulled in such different directions? But these things are more justly referred to God, whose mercy it is to surpass the prayers of suppliants and to prepare a harbor for tossing desires. Meanwhile I return to the practice of complaints. I suggest that your letters ought to have followed me at once, and that something written should have been sent for my comfort, at least on account of a recent request — lest my mind should have hung in uncertainty about your departure, without word. But I trust this fault can be mended by frequency of correspondence.

XIIII. FAVSTO ENNODIVS. Nollem, fateor, morarum causas aperire, ne animus meus sera in pacem cum laetitia reductus maesta iterum relatione turbetur et habeam tristitiae meae rediuiuum in narratione 1 quia] qua B b; Qua sermonis f. p. t. silentium ? Sirm . 2 decidentem malim delinire Bb 3 mi BT, mihi LV, om. Pb tuae om. L 4 post imaginibus plus linea dimidia erasa in B malefacta T ta m ras . colloquiis LTV 5 re] te Sirm, discenderit B poterit Pb loquellam B 6 quod] quam T contemsisti BL V 8 discendendum L\'T, deecedendum B is male] alter add. B fasces ad T 13 attolBtur LPTV ourie inter T 14 sera inclusi 16 quondam] aurea condam B 17 etiam T in ras. m. 2 18 dampno L promiu* B xnu. 23 meeta BLPTV principium. paene enim sibi debet angustias suas qui earum relegere transacta non refugit. quis ad calcem perductas anxietates suas reparet intempestiui necessitate sermonis P sed uobiscum mihi et cum proposito rerum fides est, quibus debetur in replications ex quacumque causa sinceritas. patior libens aculeos reuocati maeroris, dummodo ueritati nil pereat, et ne per uitium tenerae mentis paginam falsitate dehonestem, sponte fero quod refero. sancti episcopi patris uestri prope in dubium salus deducta me tenuit, in cuius aegritudine quamuis cuncta inlacrimaret ecclesia, me tamen specialis maeror adflixit, qui eius debeo plus amori. uidi pacem ciuitatis urguente discordia urbis nostrae limina transcendentem et ab oculis nostris quasi incertum aliquod aut uagum numen elapsam. sed sufficiat tristibus stricta narratio. iam ad bonam ualitudinem. sancti patris salus optanda et diligenda respirat. nam ubi mens mea ad stationem rediit, statim iussa respexit. pueros destinaui, qui fideli me de prosperitate culminis uestri uel totius sanctae domus relatione perdoceant. pendeo rursus et inter spem et metum dubia aestimatione distringor, cui necesse est de alterius parentis esse prosperitate sollicitum. quis ad curas meas se porrigat ? quis aestus aequiperare ualeat tali diuisione distracti? sed haec ad deum iustius reportantur, cuius clementiae est uota uincere supplicantum et fluctuantibus portum parare desideriis. interim ad usum reuertor querelarum. paginas uestras ilico me suggero subsequi debuisse et ad solacium meum uel propter recentem petitionem scripta prorogari, ne 1 pene TV debet sibi L1T1V1 (corr. m. 1 in LTV) 2 non re fugit V corr. m. 1 anxiętatea L 8 reparet (i. e . reparaNt) T 4 fldie B quibna T in ras . m. II 6 meroris BPTV, meroria eso memoria? L corr. 8 noatri Pb 9 egri- » tudina B 10 meror LV, mer.or T 11 urgente T discordie V a tupra acr. M . 1 13 nagum T s. l. m. 2 14 stricta T in ras. m. 2 19 atematione B 21 saequi perare B, equipare PT, aequiparare b 24 Bsum B quqrelartun L, quaerillarum B 25 soiadum PV, solatium BLTb 26 seribta B in ancipiti de profectione uestra animus meus pependisset auditu. sed hanc credo culpam scriptionis emendari posse frequentia. superest ut diuinitas a uobis ea indicari faciat quae iuuat agnosci. domine mi, effusam salutem reuerentiae uestrae dicens precor, ut quae mandaui suggerenda adipiscantur effectum.