Letter 9027: I owe you a letter, and I pay the debt gladly.

I owe indeed a voice to my grief, but silence to your reverence. And perhaps mute dissimulation would better express the sorrow of your abstinence from speech: for it would have been urbane and subtle if by the very means by which I am wronged the faults of my betters were struck, so that the offense might carry its own punishment. But where shall I turn, I who do not cease to pursue with the stubbornness of love one forgetful of me and spurning acquaintance with the lowly? Is not the persistence of the rejected a mother of horror, when the desire to please through assiduity provides the occasion for displeasing? For whatever we flee in our mind, when thrust before our eyes, we scarcely see. If only it were still permitted me to contend with your blessedness on equal terms\! But the privileges of kinship sleep before your crown, since you have deserved to become a father. Does anyone among men retain the rights of relationship perishing by his own increase and the bonds of both birth and diligence dissolved by the accession of pious dignity? Was it then fitting that the advancement of your merit should be known to me by unstable rumor, and that I should hang on mere opinion, content regarding our common joys? I was chosen as the one from whom a general blessing was concealed, so that I alone, on account of the obscurity of my conscience, should not know a thing of the golden age. A life noble by birth as well as character ascended to the pinnacle of ecclesiastical honor, and disdains to address me. Truly such a deed, whether it came about by design or by negligence, is not approved. I, however, bestow the services of greeting and with Italic straightforwardness, without dissimulation, make plain the source of my sadness.

XXVII. ENNODIVS AVRELIANO EPISCOPO. Debeo equidem dolori meo uocem, sed reuerentiae uestrae taciturnitatem. et forte melius maerorem de abstinentia sermonis uestri loqueretur muta dissimulatio: urbanum enim et subtile erat, ut isdem lineis quibus in me delinquitur potiorum delicta ferirentur, ut secum haberet culpa uindictam. sed quo me uertam, qui inmemorem mei et humilium notitiam respuentem pertinacia amoris insequi non desisto? numquid non repudiati inportunitas mater horroris est, cum placendi per adsiduitatem desiderium materiam exigat displicendi? nam quicquid mente fugimus ingestum oculis uix uidemus. si mihi liceret adhuc aequali cum beatitudine tua sorte contendere! sed dormiunt apud coronam tuam propinquitatis priuilegia, postquam pater esse meruisti. retinet quisquam hominum perire 1 ennodii Т2b si cessit B, successii fort . 8 sabuebor B, sabmouebar fort . 4 agnosca ̄ nt T corr. m. 2 6 uultes B 8 meserias B1 cu∗rent (r erae.) L quidquam L 11 cotam] otrpbram L ., XXVII. 13 epos B 14 sequidem B ure B 15 merorem BT 16 muta loqueretur TV, sequeretur muta Pb 17 hisdem B, eisdem Pb 18 heberet B 20 pertinatia L\'P, pertinaoiam BTYb, pertinatU L1 nunquid T 21 per-displicendi om. B add . in mg. info corr . 22 exigit P et Sirm . 24 tan cimdere B 25 puilegia L -. suis iura necessitudinis incrementis et accessione piae dignitatis et generis et diligentiae uincla dissolui ? ergo decuit euectionem meriti uestri: instabili mihi esse rumore conpertam et de communibus gaudiis adhuc pendere opinione eontentum? electus sum, cui bonum generale taceretur, at rem aurei saeculi solus pro conscientiae meae obscuritate nescirem. nobilis uita uel genere apicem ecclesiastic honoris ascendit, et me dedignatur adloquio. uere tale factum, aut studio aut neglegentia euenerit, non probatur. ego tamen seruitia salutationis inpendo et Italica simplicitate, unde tristitiam habuerim, sine dissimulatione manifesto.