Letter 30: If I were to write at length all the causes which, up to the present time, have kept me at home, eager as I have been to set out to see your reverence, I should tell an interminable story. I say nothing of illnesses coming one upon another, hard winter weather, and press of work, for all this has been already made known to you. Now, for my sins,...
If I were to list at length all the reasons that have kept me at home up to now, eager as I have been to visit you, the story would never end. I will say nothing of one illness following another, of the harsh winter, or of the press of business, since all this has been reported to you already. Now, to add to my troubles, I have lost my mother — the only comfort I had in life. Do not smile if, old as I am, I mourn my orphanhood. Forgive me if I cannot bear to be parted from a soul the equal of which I see nothing in the future that lies ahead of me.
So once again my complaints have circled back; once again I am confined to bed, tossing in my weakness, every hour all but expecting the end of life. The churches, meanwhile, are in much the same state as my body — no hopeful sign shining on them, their condition always changing for the worse.
In the meantime, Neocaesarea and Ancyra have decided on successors for the dead, and so far they are at peace. Those who are plotting against me have not yet been allowed to do anything worthy of their bitterness and anger. We make no secret of attributing this to your prayers on behalf of the churches. So do not grow weary of praying for us and for the churches and entreating God. Please give my greetings to all who have the privilege of serving you.
Human translation — New Advent (NPNF / ANF series)
Latin / Greek Original
[Πρός: Εὐσεβίῳ ἐπισκόπῳ Σαμοσάτων]
Εἰ πάσας ἐφεξῆς γράφοιμι τὰς αἰτίας ὑφʼ ὧν μέχρι τοῦ παρόντος κατεσχέθην, καὶ πάνυ ὡρμημένος πρὸς τὴν σὴν θεοσέβειαν, ἱστορίας ἂν μῆκος ἀπέραντον ἐκπληρώσαιμι. νόσους μὲν ἐπαλλήλους, καὶ χειμῶνος ἐπάχθειαν, καὶ πραγμάτων συνοχὴν παρίημι λέγειν, γνώριμα ὄντα καὶ ἤδη προδεδηλωμένα τῇ τελειότητί σου. νῦν δὲ καὶ ἣν μόνην εἶχον τοῦ βίου παραμυθίαν τὴν μητέρα, καὶ ταύτην ἀφῃρέθην ὑπὸ τῶν ἁμαρτίων μου. καὶ μὴ καταγελάσῃς μου ὡς ἐν τούτῳ τῆς ἡλικίας ὀρφανίαν ἀποδυρομένου· ἀλλὰ σύγγνωθί μοι ψυχῆς χωρισμὸν ἀνεκτῶς μὴ φέροντι, ἧς οὐδὲν ἀντάξιον ἐν τοῖς λειπομένοις ὁρῶ. πάλιν οὖν μοι ὑπέστρεψε τὰ ἀῤῥωστήματα, καὶ πάλιν ἐπὶ κλίνης κατάκειμαι, ἐπὶ μικρᾶς παντελῶς τῆς δυνάμεως σαλεύων, καὶ μόνον οὐκ ἐφʼ ἑκάστης ὥρας τὸ ἀναγκαῖον πέρας τῆς ζωῆς ἐκδεχόμενος.
Αἱ δὲ ἐκκλησίαι σχεδόν τι παραπλησίως τῷ σώματί μου διάκεινται· ἀγαθῆς μὲν ἐλπίδος οὐδεμιᾶς ὑποφαινομένης, ἀεὶ δὲ πρὸ τὸ χεῖρον τῶν πραγμάτων ὑποῤῥεόντων. τέως δὲ ἡ Νεοκαισάρεια καὶ ἡ Ἀγκύρα ἔδοξαν ἔχειν διαδόχους τῶν ἀπελθόντων, καὶ μέχρι τοῦ νῦν ἡσυχάζουσιν. ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ ἡμῖν οἱ ἐπιβουλεύοντες ποιῆσαί τι τοῦ θυμοῦ καὶ τῆς πικρίας ἄξιον μέχρι τοῦ παρόντος συνεχωρήθησαν. καὶ τούτου τὴν αἰτίαν ταῖς σαῖς ὑπὲρ τῶν ἐκκλησιῶν πρεσβείαις προδήλως ἡμεῖς ἀνατίθεμεν. ὥστε μὴ ἀποκάμῃς προσευχόμενος ὑπὲρ τῶν ἐκκλησιῶν καὶ δυσωπῶν τὸν Θεόν. τοὺς καταξιωθέντας ἐξυπηρετεῖσθαι τῇ ὁσιότητί σου πάμπολλα πρόσειπε.
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