Letter 18

Let me know that nothing is so lacking to me now as a person with whom I might share all the things that cause me any concern — someone who loves me, who has good sense, with whom when I speak I need pretend nothing, conceal nothing, cover over nothing. For my brother, that most unaffected and most loving man, is away. Metellus is not a human being but "mere shoreline and air and utter solitude." But you, who have so often lightened the care and anguish of my mind with your conversation and counsel, who have been my ally in public affairs and my confidant in all private matters, who have shared in all my conversations and deliberations — where are you? I am so abandoned by everyone that my only rest is the time spent with my wife, my little daughter, and my sweet young Cicero. For those ambitious, painted friendships of mine possess a certain public brilliance but bear no fruit at home. And so, when my house is well filled in the morning hours, when we go down to the forum packed in by flocks of friends, I cannot find from that great crowd a single person with whom I can joke freely or sigh intimately. Therefore I await you, I long for you, I now even summon you. For there are many things that trouble and distress me, which I think I could pour out into your ears in the conversation of a single walk. As for the stings and thorns of my domestic anxieties, I shall keep them all hidden, and I will not entrust them to this letter and an unknown courier. And these — for I do not wish to alarm you — are not terribly burdensome, yet they press upon me and weigh on me and find no rest in any loving friend's counsel or conversation. In public affairs, however, although my spirit is resolute, the very remedy itself inflicts wound upon wound. For, to briefly gather together what has happened since your departure, you would necessarily cry out that Roman affairs cannot stand much longer. Indeed, after your departure, the first act, I believe, was the opening scene of the Clodian affair, in which I, having found, as it seemed to me, an opportunity to cut back licentiousness and restrain the young, was vehement and poured out all the powers of my mind and talent — driven not by hatred of anyone, but by hope of correcting and healing the state. The republic was struck down by a bribed and debauched jury. See what followed after that. A consul was imposed upon us whom no one except us philosophers could look upon without sighing. What a wound this was! A senatorial decree on electoral bribery was passed, yet no law on the courts was carried through; the senate was harassed, the Roman knights alienated. Thus that year overturned two bulwarks of the republic that I alone had established: for it both cast down the authority of the senate and severed the harmony of the orders. Now this splendid year presses upon us. Its beginning was of this sort: the annual rites of the goddess Iuventas were not celebrated, for Memmius initiated Marcus Lucullus's wife into his own rites. Menelaus bore this badly and divorced her. Although that Idaean shepherd had merely scorned Menelaus alone, our Paris here thought neither Menelaus nor Agamemnon a free man. There is, moreover, a certain tribune of the plebs, Gaius Herennius, whom you perhaps do not even know — though you may, for he is of your tribe, and his father Sextus used to distribute money among you. He is bringing Publius Clodius over to the plebs by adoption, and he is likewise proposing that the entire people vote in the Campus Martius on the matter of Clodius. I took him on in the senate, as is my custom, but there is no one more sluggish than that man. Metellus is an excellent consul and loves us, but he diminishes his own authority because he has that same proposal about Clodius promulgated for form's sake. As for Aulus's son — O immortal gods! — what a cowardly and spiritless soldier! How worthy to offer his face daily for abuse to Palicanus, as he does! An agrarian law has been proposed by Flavius, quite a mild one, essentially the same as the Plotian law. But meanwhile, no one who could be called a statesman can be found, even in a dream. The one who could be — our friend, for so he is, and I want you to know it — Pompey, silently guards that little embroidered toga of his. Crassus utters not a word against popular favor. The rest you already know — men so foolish that they seem to hope their fishponds will be safe even when the republic is lost. There is one man who shows concern, with more steadfastness and integrity than, it seems to me, judgment or talent — Cato, who has been harassing the wretched tax collectors, who had been his most devoted supporters, for three months now.

Believe me, there is nothing I want so much at the present time, as a person with whom I can share anything that causes me the least anxiety, a man of affection and common sense, to whom I can speak without affectation, reserve, or concealment. My obtegam. Abest enim frater ἀφελέστατος et amantissimus. Metellus non homo, sed “litus atque aer et solitudo mera.” Tu autem, qui saepissime curam et angorem animi mei sermone et consilio levasti tuo, qui mihi et in publica re socius et in privatis omnibus conscius et omnium meorum sermonum et consiliorum particeps esse soles, ubinam es? Ita sum ab omnibus destitutus, ut tantum requietis habeam, quantum cum uxore et filiola et mellito Cicerone consumitur. Nam illae ambitiosae nostrae fucosaeque amicitiae sunt in quodam splendore forensi, fructum domesticum non habent. Itaque, cum bene completa domus est tempore matutino, cum ad forum stipati gregibus amicorum descendimus, reperire ex magna turba neminem possumus, quocum aut iocari libere aut suspirare familiariter possimus. Quare te exspectamus, te desideramus, te iam etiam arcessimus. Multa sunt enim, quae me sollicitant anguntque; quae mihi videor aures nactus tuas unius ambulationis sermone exhaurire posse. Ac domesticarum quidem sollicitudinum aculeos omnes et scrupulos occultabo, neque ego huic epistulae atque ignoto tabellario committam. Atque hi (nolo enim te permoveri) non sunt permolesti, sed tamen insident et urgent et nullius amantis consilio aut sermone requiescunt; in re publica vero, quamquam animus est praesens, tamen vulnus etiam atque etiam ipsa medicina efficit. Nam, ut ea breviter, quae post tuum discessum acta sunt, colligam, iam exclames necesse est res Romanas diutius stare non posse. Etenim post profectionem tuam primus, brother, who is the most unaffected of persons and most affectionate, is away. Metellus is not a human being, but “sea-shore and airy void and desert waste.” And you whose conversation and advice have so often lightened my load of care and anxiety, who have aided me in my political life, been my confident in my family affairs and shared my conversations and projects—where are you? So utterly am I deserted, that the only moments of repose I have are those which are spent with my wife, my little daughter and darling boy. For my grand and showy friendships bring some public _éclat_, but private satisfaction they have none. And so, when my house has been crowded with the morning _levée_ and I have gone down to the forum amid a throng of friends, I cannot find in the whole company a single man with whom I can jest freely or whisper familiarly. So I look forward with longing to your coming and in fact urge you to hurry: for I have many cares and anxieties, which I fancy would be banished by a single walk and talk in your sympathetic hearing. However, I will conceal the stings and pricks of my private troubles, and will not entrust them to this letter and an unknown messenger. They are not very grievous—so don’t alarm yourself—but still they are persistent and worrying, and I have no friend’s advice and discussion to lull them to rest. For the State, though there is still life in it, the very cures that have been tried on it, have again and again opened fresh wounds. If I were to give you a brief summary of what has happened since you left, you would certainly exclaim that Rome cannot possibly stand any longer. For it was after your departure, I believe, that the opening scene of the ut opinor, introitus fuit in causam fabulae Clodianae, in qua ego nactus, ut mihi videbar, locum resecandae libidinis et coercendae iuventutis; vehemens fui et omnes profudi vires animi atque ingenii mei non odio adductus alicuius, sed spe corrigendae et sanandae civitatis. Adflicta res publica est empto constupratoque iudicio. Vide, quae sint postea consecuta. Consul est impositus is nobis, quem nemo praeter nos philosophos aspicere sine suspiritu posset. Quantum hoc vulnus! facto senatus consulto de ambitu, de iudiciis nulla lex perlata, exagitatus senatus, alienati equites Romani. Sic ille annus duo firmamenta rei publicae per me unum constituta evertit; nam et senatus auctoritatem abiecit et ordinum concordiam diiunxit. Instat hic nunc ille annus egregius. Eius initium eius modi fuit, ut anniversaria sacra Iuventatis non committerentur; nam M. Luculli uxorem Memmius suis sacris initiavit; Menelaus aegre id passus divortium fecit. Quamquam ille pastor Idaeus Menelaum solum contempserat, hic noster Paris tam Menelaum quam Agamemnonem liberum non putavit. Est autem C. Herennius quidam tribunus pl., quem tu fortasse ne nosti quidem; tametsi potes nosse, tribulis enim tuus est, et Sextus, pater eius, nummos vobis dividere solebat. Is ad plebem P. Clodium traducit, idemque fert, ut universus populus in campo Martio suffragium de re Clodi ferat. Hunc Clodian drama became the topic of discussion. There I thought I had a chance of using the surgeon’s knife on licentiousness and curbing youthful excesses: and I exerted myself, putting forth all the resources of my intellect and mind, not out of private spite, but in the hope of effecting a radical cure of the State. The corruption of the jury by bribery and debauchery dealt a crushing blow to the republic. See what has followed. We have had a consul forced on us, at whom no one except us philosophers can look without a sigh. That is a fatal stroke. Though a senatorial decree has been passed about the bribery of juries, no law has been carried; the Senate has been frightened out of it, and the knights have been estranged. So this one year has overturned two bulwarks of the State which had been erected by me alone: for it has destroyed the prestige of the Senate and broken up the harmony of the orders. Now comes this precious year. It was inaugurated by the suspension of the annual rites of the goddess of youth: for Memmius initiated M. Lucullus’ wife into some rites of his own. Menelaus took it hard and divorced his wife. Unlike the shepherd of Ida, who only slighted Menelaus, our modern Paris thought Agamemnon as fitting an object for his contempt. There is one C. Herennius, a tribune—you may not even know him, though perhaps you do, as he is a member of the same tribe as yourself, and his father Sextus used to distribute money to your tribesmen—he is trying to transfer P. Clodius to the plebs, and even proposes that the whole people shall vote on the matter in the Campus Martius. I gave him my ego accepi in senatu, ut soleo, sed nihil est illo homine lentius. Metellus est consul egregius et nos amat, sed imminuit auctoritatem suam, quod habet dicis causa promulgatum illud idem de Clodio. Auli autem filius, o di immortales! quam ignavus ac sine animo miles! quam dignus, qui Palicano, sicut facit, os ad male audiendum cotidie praebeat! Agraria autem promulgata est a Flavio sane levis eadem fere, quae fuit Plotia. Sed interea πολιτικὸς ἀνὴρ οὐδ’ ὄναρ quisquam inveniri potest; qui poterat, familiaris noster (sic est enim; volo te hoc scire) Pompeius togulam illam pictam silentio tuetur suam. Crassus verbum nullum contra gratiam. Ceteros iam nosti; qui ita sunt stulti, ut amissa re publica piscinas suas fore salvas sperare videantur. Unus est, qui curet constantia magis et integritate quam, ut mihi videtur, consilio aut ingenio, Cato; qui miseros publicanos, quos habuit amantissimos sui, tertium iam mensem vexat neque iis a senatu responsum dari patitur. Ita nos cogimur reliquis de rebus nihil decernere, antequam publicanis responsum sit. Quare etiam legationes reiectum iri puto. Nunc vides quibus fluctibus iactemur, et, si ex iis, quae scripsimus tanta, etiam a me non scripta perspicis, revise nos aliquando et, quamquam sunt haec usual reception in the Senate; but he is the most phlegmatic of mortals. Metellus is an excellent consul and an admirer of mine; but he has lessened his influence by making, only for form’s sake, the very same proposal about Clodius. But Aulus’ son—heavens above! what a cowardly and spiritless wretch for a soldier! Just fit to be exposed, as he is, to the daily abuse of Palicanus. An agrarian law has been proposed by Flavius,—a very paltry production, almost identical with the Plotian law. And in the meantime not the ghost of a real statesman is to be found. The man who could be one, my intimate friend—for so he is, I would have you to know—Pompey, wraps that precious triumphal cloak of his around him in silence. Crassus never utters a word to risk his popularity. The others you know well enough—fools who seem to hope that their fish-ponds may be saved, though the country go to rack and ruin. There is one who can be said to take some pains, but, according to my view, with more constancy and honesty than judgement and ability—Cato. It is now three months that he has been worrying those wretched tax-collectors, who used to be great friends of his, and won’t let the Senate give them an answer. So we are forced to suspend all decrees on other subjects until the tax-collectors have had an answer. And I suppose even the embassies will have to be postponed for the same reason. Now you see the storm we have to weather; and, as you can grasp from what I have written with such emphasis, something of what I have left unwritten, come and see me again, for it is high time. Though fugienda, quo te voco, tamen fac ut amorem nostrum tanti aestimes, ut eo vel cum his molestiis perfrui velis. Nam, ne absens censeare, curabo edicendum et proponendum locis omnibus; sub lustrum autem censeri germani negotiatoris est. Quare cura, ut te quam primum videamus. Vale. XI Kal. Febr. Q. Metello, L. Afranio coss.

Nihil mihi nunc scito tam deesse uam hominem eum, quocum omnia, que me cura aliqua adficiunt, uno communicem, qui me amet, qui sapiat, quicum ego cum loquar, nihil fingam, nihil dissimulem, nihil obtegam. Abest enim frater aphelestatos et amantissimus. Metellus non homo, sed "litus atque aer et solitudo mera." Tu autem, qui saepissime curam et angorem animi mei sermone et consilio levasti tuo, qui mihi et in publica re socius et in privatis omnibus conscius et omnium meorum sermonum et consiliorum particeps esse soles, ubinam es? Ita sum ab omnibus destitutus. ut tantum requietis habeam, quantum cum uxore et filiola et mellito Cicerone consumitur. Nam illae ambitiosae nostrae fucosaeque amicitiae sunt in quodam splendore forensi, fructum domesticum non habent. Itaque, cum bene completa domus est tempore matutino, cum ad forum stipati gregibus amicorum descendimus, reperire ex magna turba neminem possumus, quocum aut iocari libere aut suspirare familiariter possimus. Quare te exspectamus, te desideramus, te iam etiam arcessimus. Multa sunt enim, quae me sollicitant anguntque; quae mihi videor aures nactus tuas unius ambulationis sermone exhaurire posse. Ac domesticarum quidem sollicitudinum aculeos omnes et scrupulos occultabo, neque ego huic epistulae atque ignoto tabellario committam. Atque hi (nolo enim te permoveri) non sunt permolesti, sed tamen insident et urgent et nullius amantis consilio aut sermone requiescunt; in re publica vero, quam quam animus est praesens, tamen vulnus etiam atque etiam ipsa medicina efficit. Nam, ut ea breviter, quae post tuum discessum acta sunt, colligam, iam exclames necesse est res Romanas diutius stare non posse. Etenim post profectionem tuam primus, ut opinor, introitus fuit in causam fabulae Clodianae, in qua ego nactus, ut mihi videbar, locum resecandae libidinis et coercendae iuventutis; vehemens fui et omnes profudi vires animi atque ingenii mei non odio adductus alicuius, sed spe corrigendae et sanandae civitatis. Adflicta res publica est empto constupratoque iudicio. Vide, quae sint postea consecuta. Consul est impositus is nobis, quem nemo praeter nos philosophos aspicere sine suspiritu posset. Quantum hoc vulnus! facto senatus consulto de ambitu, de iudiciis nulla lex perlata, exagitatus senatus, alienati equites Romani. Sic ille annus duo firmamenta rei publicae per me unum constituta evertit; nam et senatus auctoritatem abiecit et ordinum concordiam diiunxit. Instat hic nunc ille annus egregius. Eius initium eius modi fuit, ut anniversaria sacra Iuventatis non committerentur; nam M. Luculli uxorem Memmius suis sacris initiavit; Menelaus aegre id passus divortium fecit. Quamquam ille pastor Idaeus Menelaum solum contempserat, hic noster Paris tam Menelaum quam Agamemnonem liberum non putavit. Est autem C. Herennius quidam tribunus pl., quem tu fortasse ne nosti quidem; tametsi potes nosse, tribulis enim tuus est, et Sextus, pater eius, nummos vobis dividere solebat. Is ad plebem P. Clodium traducit, idemque fert, ut universus populus in Campo Martio suffragium de re Clodi ferat. Hunc ego accepi in senatu, ut soleo, sed nihil est illo homine lentius. Metellus est consul egregius et nos amat, sed imminuit auctoritatem suam, quod habet dicis causa promulgatum illud idem de Clodio. Auli autem filius, o di immortales! quam ignavus ac sine animo miles! quam dignus, qui Palicano, sicut facit, os ad male audiendum cotidie praebeat! Agraria autem promulgata est a Flavio sane levis eadem fere, quae fuit Plotia. Sed interea politikos aner oud onar quisquam inveniri potest; qui poterat, familiaris noster (sic est enim; volo te hoc scire) Pompeius togulam illam pictam silentio tuetur suam. Crassus verbum nullum contra gratiam. Ceteros iam nosti; qui ita sunt stulti, ut amissa re publica piscinas suas fore salvas sperare videantur. Unus est, qui curet constantia magis et integritate quam, ut mihi videtur, consilio aut ingenio, Cato; qui miseros publicanos, quos habuit amantissimos sui, tertium iam mensem vexat neque iis a senatu responsum dari patitur. Ita nos cogimur reliquis de rebus nihil decernere, ante quam publicanis responsum sit. Quare etiam legationes reiectum iri puto. Nunc vides quibus fluctibus iactemur, et, si ex iis, quae scripsimus tanta, etiam a me non scripta perspicis, revise nos aliquando et, quamquam sunt haec fugienda, quo te voco, tamen fac ut amorem nostrum tanti aestimes, ut eo vel cum his molestiis perfrui velis. Nam, ne absens censeare, curabo edicendum et proponendum locis omnibus; sub lustrum autem censeri germani negotiatoris est. Quare cura, ut te quam primum videamus. Vale. Kal. Febr. Q. Metello, L. Afranio coss.