Letter 15.15

Although each of us wished to be absent from the obstinacy of an unnecessary war, from the hope of peace and hatred of civil bloodshed, nevertheless, since I seem to have been the chief advocate of that course, I perhaps owe you more than I should expect from you. Although, as I often recall to myself, my familiar conversation with you, and yours with me, brought each of us to this resolution: that we thought it appropriate for one battle, if not to settle the whole cause, at least to define our own judgment of it. And no one has ever truly criticized this opinion of ours except those who thought it better for the republic to be entirely destroyed than to survive diminished and weakened. I, for my part, set before myself no hope from its destruction, but great hope from its remnants. But what followed was such that it is more surprising these things could have happened than that we did not foresee them or, being human, could not have divined them. I confess my own conjecture was this: that after that seemingly fated battle, the victors would wish to consult for the common safety, and the vanquished for their own. And I thought both depended on the speed of the victor. Had that speed been shown, Africa would have experienced the same clemency that Asia came to know, and Achaia too, with you yourself, I believe, acting as legate and intercessor. But with the decisive moments lost -- and timing matters most, especially in civil wars -- the year that intervened led some to hope for victory and others to despise defeat itself. And fortune bears the blame for all these misfortunes; for who would have thought that so great a delay of the Alexandrian war would be added to this war, or that some fellow Pharnaces would bring terror to Asia? Yet we, though equal in our resolution, had dissimilar fortunes. For you sought that position where you might take part in deliberations and, what most lightens anxiety, foresee the future in your mind. I, who hastened to see Caesar in Italy -- for so I supposed -- and to spur him, as they say, to run toward peace as he returned, having preserved many most honorable men, am and have been farthest from him. And I move amid the groans of Italy and the most wretched complaints of the city, which perhaps I might have been able to relieve in my part, and you in yours, and each in his own, if there had been a leader present. Therefore I would ask you, out of your perpetual goodwill toward me, to write and tell me what you see, what you think, what you believe we should expect and do. Your letter will mean much to me. And would that I had obeyed that first letter you sent from Luceria! For I would have maintained my dignity without any trouble.

CDXLVI (Fam. XV, 15) TO GAIUS CASSIUS (IN ASIA?) BRUNDISIUM (AUGUST OR EARLY SEPTEMBER) ALTHOUGH both of us, from a hope of peace and a loathing for Civil bloodshed, desired to hold aloof from an obstinate prosecution of war, nevertheless, since I think I was the first to adopt that policy, I am perhaps more bound to give you satisfaction on that point, than to expect it from you. Although, as I am often wont to recall in my own mind, my intimate talk with you and yours with me led us both to the Conclusion that it was reasonable that, if not the cause as a whole, yet at least our judgment should be decided by the result of one battle. Nor does anyone ever sincerely criticise this opinion of ours, except those who think it better that the constitution should be utterly destroyed, rather than remain in a maimed and weakened state. I, on the Contrary, saw of course no personal hope from its destruction, much from its surviving fragments. But a state of things has followed which makes it more surprising that those events were possible, than that we did not foresee what was going to happen, and were unable with our merely human faculties to prophesy it. For my part, I confess that my view was that, when that battle had been fought, which seemed as it were to be the last word of fate, the conquerors would desire measures to be taken for the safety of the community at large, the conquered for their own. But both of these policies I regarded as depending on the promptness of the victor. If that promptness had been displayed, Africa would have experienced the same indulgence which Asia and Achaia too have witnessed, you yourself, as I think, acting as agent and intercessor. But the hours having been allowed to slip away-always most precious, and never more so than in civil wars — the year that intervened induced some to hope for victory, others to think lightly of the defeat itself. And the blame for all this mischief is on the shoulders of fortune. For who would have thought such a serious delay as that of the Alexandrian war was going to be added to the war already fought, or that a princeling like that Pharnaces of yours was going to cause a panic in Asia . For ourselves, however, though our policy was the same, our fortune has been different. For you have adopted the role of taking an active part in his councils, and of thus keeping yourself in a position to foresee what was going to happen, which more than anything else relieves one's anxiety. I, who was in a hurry to see Caesar in Italy — for that is what I thought would happen-and, when he returned after sparing many of the most honourable men, to “spur the willing horse ” (as the phrase goes) in the direction of peace, am now most widely separated from him, and have been so all along. Moreover, I am living in the hearing of the groans of Italy and the most heartrending complaints in Rome : to which we might perhaps have contributed some alleviation, I in my way, you in yours, and everyone in his own, if only the chief man had been there. Wherefore I would have you, in view of your unbroken affection for me, write and tell me what you know, what you feel, and what you think I am to expect or ought to do. A letter from you will be of great value in my eyes, and would that I had obeyed that first one, which you sent me from Luceria ! For I should then have retained my position without any of this distress. [Between the date of the last letter to Terentia (1 September) and that of the next (1 October) Caesar had landed at Tarentum , and, meeting Cicero , who was coming to greet him, alighted from his carriage, embraced him, had a long conversation with him on the road, and gave him free leave to live where he chose. Cicero seems to have at once started for his favourite round of visits to his villas, and then gone to Rome . This is the end, then, of the episode in his life connected with the Civil War. Henceforth, till Caesar 's assassination, he lives a comparatively retired and literary life, seldom appearing in the senate or as an advocate.]

XV. Scr. Brundisii (post Kal. Oct.) a.u.c. 707. M. CICERO S. D. C. CASSIO. Etsi uterque nostrum spe pacis et odio civilis sanguinis abesse a belli non necessarii pertinacia voluit, tamen, quoniam eius consilii princeps ego fuisse videor, plus fortasse tibi praestare ipse debeo quam a te exspectare: etsi, ut saepe soleo mecum recordari, sermo familiaris meus tecum et item mecum tuus adduxit utrumque nostrum ad id consilium, ut uno proelio putaremus, si non totam causam, at certe nostrum iudicium definiri convenire. Neque quisquam hanc nostram sententiam vere umquam reprehendit praeter eos, qui arbitrabantur melius esse deleri omnino rem publicam quam imminutam et debilitatam manere: ego autem ex interitu eius nullam spem scilicet mihi proponebam, ex reliquiis magnam. Sed ea sunt consecuta, ut magis mirum sit accidere illa potuisse, quam nos non vidisse ea futura nec, homines cum essemus, divinare potuisse. Equidem fateor meam coniecturam hanc fuisse, ut illo quasi quodam fatali proelio facto et victores communi saluti consule vellent et victi suae; utrumque autem positum esse arbitrabar in celeritate victoris: quae si fuisset, eandem clementiam experta esset Africa, quam cognovit Asia, quam etiam Achaia te, ut opinor, ipso legato ac deprecatore; amissis autem temporibus, quae plurimum valent, praesertim in bellis civilibus, interpositus annus alios induxit, ut victoriam sperarent, alios, ut ipsum vinci contemnerent. Atque horum malorum omnium culpam fortuna sustinet; quis enim aut Alexandrini belli tantam moram huic bello adiunctum iri aut nescio quem istum Pharnacem Asiae terrorem illaturum putaret? Nos tamen in consilio pari casu dissimili usi sumus: tu enim eam partem petisti, ut et consiliis interesses et, quod maxime curam levat, futura animo prospicere posses; ego, qui festinavi, ut Caesarem in Italia viderem—sic enim arbitrabamur—eumque multis honestissimis viris conservatis redeuntem ad pacem currentem, ut aiunt, incitarem, ab illo longissime et absum et afui. Versor autem in genitu Italiae et in urbis miserrimis querelis, quibus aliquid opis fortasse ego pro mea, tu pro tua, pro sua quisque parte ferre potuisset, si auctor affuisset. Quare velim pro tua perpetua erga me benevolentia scribas ad me, quid videas, quid sentias, quid exspectandum, quid agendum nobis existimes. Magni erunt mihi tuae litterae, atque utinam primis illis, quas Luceria miseras, paruissem! sine ulla enim molestia dignitatem meam retinuissem.