Letter 554: Theodore Studite, Letter 554; Greek heading: Πλάτωνι οἰκείῳ πατρί.

Why, holy father, do you lay upon me, wretched as I am, charges that are beyond me? I have need to be enlightened by you, and do you yourself seek to be instructed by me, who am in darkness? But even this you do to form me toward humility. I do not know what I should say that is fitting to the present moment, except that God has well ordered our affairs by His dispensation [oikonomia]. For if certain men, out of love for God, abandoning the governing offices that belonged to them and fleeing far away, were accounted blessed for the life of stillness [hesychia, the contemplative monastic life], how shall we, the lowly, kept under guard in exile for the law of God, not exult in the Lord, reckoning it to Him as grace and a most great gift that we have been counted worthy to attain to such a measure, which many have longed for and not obtained? Sit still, then, my holy father, in the place where God, and not man, has shut you up within for a time (since we do not even know what the coming day will bring forth, whether thus or otherwise, as Providence commands), and glorify the Lord who has glorified you through your steadfastness as a martyr-confessor, eating your bread with thanksgiving and joy, the bread which men thought to offer you as bitter. There is not yet strength in you in your old age, though ascetic labors were fought through by you in your youth, by the grace of Christ in all things. Therefore I beseech and entreat you: do not refuse to sustain your worn-down body with food and drink. Sufficient for you is the solitude, the confinement, the desolation, the deprivation, the weakness of old age together with infirmity, and the care for us sinners and for the others. Enduring in these things, be content with what suffices, hunting after purity of thoughts through the high heavenward journeying of your honored soul. For when the solitary condition is now present, the mind can easily run back up from things that crawl upon the ground to the things of heaven, like water compressed within a pipe. This is what is sought: to be with God forever in freedom from passionate attachment. Yet wars are appointed by our fathers as the causes of crowns; so that, even if we are warred upon and stand firm, we carry off the glory of victory over the defeated devil. But I am ashamed, being held fast by the passions, to utter such things to you, my father; yet I have been compelled by obedience to you. It is good to be loosed from many-fettered attachment and to be bound by the insatiable love [eros] of the Lord. It is profitable, my father, to hold off from the stench of the passions and to smell the fragrance of the Spirit. Blessed it is to be pierced with compunction here and to weep for ................. ...............; and there is exultation for such a one, in all things the fear of God going before, which, like fire when it comes to be in the soul, naturally burns up the inroads of sin. And how is He not to be feared, before whom angels shudder, at whose glance creation is shaken, before whom we shall all stand naked and laid bare [tetrachelismenoi, 'with neck exposed,' from Hebrews 4:13], a little while later to receive back the recompense for the things we have done in life? But I, the wretched one, finding myself in none of the things I have said, am downcast, asking for the help of your holy prayers for the opening of the eyes of the soul, for a taste of the love that truly is. But along with my soul my body too is weak, as you know, and I do not know what to do; for if I seem to force it a little, I lose even that little which I retain. This one consolation I have found (and it is right to refer it to you, my father): from reading and from inquiry of the Anatolians [the Easterners, eastern monastic authorities] I have learned that those who live in stillness should, if possible, partake of the divine communion each day. I have done so and have found help, wretched as I am, my mind being drawn back from passionate movement on account of the awe-filled reception of the gift. For what could be greater for the exultation and illumination of the soul than the divine communion? In a glass cup set apart I pour out wine, and having prayed the customary prayers I, the unworthy, partake of the gift. And declare to me whether I do well or not; consent to eat of your own fruits. Blessed are you, my father, and it shall be well with you, who have been called father of many and have led them to so great a measure of virtue that now all are in exile for the sake of the commandment and law of the Lord. But pray over them all, that they may complete their course.

Ἱνατί μοι, πάτερ ἅγιε, τῷ ἀθλίῳ ἐπιτάσσῃς τὰ ὑπὲρ ἐμέ; ἐγὼ χρείαν ἔχω ὑπὸ σοῦ φωτίζεσθαι, καὶ αὐτὸς ζητεῖς παρ' ἐμοῦ τοῦ ἐσκοτισμένου κατηχεῖσθαι; ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦτο τυπῶν με πρὸς ταπείνωσιν. οὐκ οἶδα δὲ τί εἴπω τῷ καιρῷ πρόσφορον ἢ ὅτι καλῶς ᾠκονόμησεν ὁ θεὸς τὰ καθ' ἡμᾶς· εἰ γὰρ ἐκ φιλοθεΐας τινὲς καταλιπόντες τὰς ὑπαρχούσας αὐτοῖς ἡγεμονίας μακράν που ἀποδραμόντες τῷ ἡσυ χαστικῷ βίῳ ἐμακαρίσθησαν, πῶς ἡμεῖς οἱ ταπεινοί, διὰ νόμον θεοῦ πεφρουρισμένοι ἐν ἐξορίᾳ, οὐκ ἀγαλλιασόμεθα ἐν Κυρίῳ, χάριν αὐτῷ λογιζόμενοι καὶ δωρεὰν μεγίστην ὅτι ἠξιώμεθα ἐν μέτρῳ τοιούτῳ καταντῆσαι, οὗ πολλοὶ ἐφιέμενοι οὐκ ἐπέτυχον; Κάθου δή, πάτερ μου ἅγιε, ἐν ᾧ τόπῳ ὁ θεὸς ἀλλ' οὐκ ἄνθρωπος εἴσω ἐφρούρησέ σε ἕως καιροῦ (ἐπεὶ μηδὲ ἴσμεν τί τέξεται ἡ ἐπιοῦσα, εἴτε οὕτως εἴτε ἄλλως τῆς προνοίας κελευούσης) καὶ δόξαζε τὸν δοξάσαντά σε Κύριον διὰ τῆς μαρτυρικῆς σου ἐνστάσεως, ἐσθίων τὸν ἄρτον σου μετ' εὐχαριστίας καὶ χαρᾶς, ὃν ἔδοξαν οἱ ἄνθρωποι πικρόν σοι προσφέρειν. οὔπω σοι δύναμις ἐν τῷ γήρει, κόπων ἀσκητικῶν προηγωνισμένων σοι ἐν τῇ νεότητι χάριτι Χριστοῦ κατὰ πάντα. διὰ τοῦτο, παρακαλῶ καὶ ἀντιβολῶ, καὶ βρώμασι καὶ πόμασι τοῦ κατατρυχωμένου σου σώματος ἀντιλαμβάνεσθαι μὴ παραιτοῦ· ἀρκεῖ σοι ἡ μόνωσις, ἡ κάθειρξις, ἡ ἐρημία, ἡ ὑποστέρησις, ἡ ἀδυναμία τοῦ γήρους μετὰ καὶ ἀσθενείας, ἡ περὶ ἡμᾶς τε τοὺς ἁμαρτωλοὺς καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους φροντίς. ἐν τούτοις ὑπομένων αὐταρκοῦ, καθαρότητα θηρεύων τῶν λογισμῶν διὰ τῆς μετεωροπορήσεως τῆς τιμίας σου ψυχῆς. ἡνίκα γὰρ ἄρτι τὸ ἐρημικὸν πρόσεστιν, εὐχερῶς ὁ νοῦς ὥσπερ ὑπὸ σωλῆνος σφιγγόμενον ὕδωρ δύναιτ' ἂν ἀνατρέχειν ἐκ τῶν χαμαιζήλων πρὸς τὰ ἐπουράνια. τοῦτό ἐστι τὸ ζητούμενον, τὸ μετὰ θεοῦ τῇ ἀπροσπαθείᾳ εἰς ἀεὶ ἔσεσθαι. πλὴν οἱ πόλεμοι στεφάνων αἴτιοι παρὰ τῶν πατέρων ἡμῶν ὁρίζονται· ὥστε, εἰ καὶ πολεμούμενοι ἐνιστάμεθα, νίκης ἀποφερόμεθα κλέος κατὰ τοῦ ἡττημένου διαβόλου. Ἐγὼ δὲ αἰσχύνομαι, ἰσχημένος ὢν τοῖς πάθεσι, τοιαῦτα πρὸς σὲ τὸν πατέρα μου φθεγγόμενος, ἀλλ' ἠνάγκασμαι δι' ὑπακοήν σου. καλὸν τὸ λυθῆναι τῆς πολυδέσμου προσπαθείας καὶ δεθῆναι τῷ ἀκορέστῳ ἔρωτι Κυρίου. συμφέρον, πάτερ μου, τὸ ἀποσχέσθαι τῆς τῶν παθῶν δυσωδίας καὶ ὀσφραίνεσθαι τῆς τοῦ πνεύματος εὐωδίας. μακάριον τὸ κατανυχθῆναι ἐνταῦθα καὶ κλαῦσαι ὑπὲρ ................. ...............· καὶ ἀγαλλίασις τῷ τοιούτῳ, ἐν πᾶσι προηγουμένου τοῦ φόβου θεοῦ· ὅς, καθάπερ πῦρ ὅτε ἐν τῇ ψυχῇ γένηται, ἐγκαταφλέγειν πέφυκε τὰς εἰσβολὰς τῆς ἁμαρτίας. πῶς δὲ οὐ φοβητέον ὃν φρίττουσι ἄγγελοι, οὗ τῷ βλέμματι δονεῖται ἡ κτίσις, ᾧ παραστησόμεθα πάντες γυμνοὶ καὶ τετραχηλισμένοι, μικρὸν ὕστερον ἀποληψόμενοι τῶν βεβιωμένων τὰς ἀμείψεις; ἐγὼ δὲ ὁ τάλας, ἐν οὐδενὶ ὧν εἶπον ἑαυτὸν καταλαμβανόμενος, σκυθρωπάζω, τὴν τῶν ἁγίων εὐχῶν σου ἐπικουρίαν αἰτῶν εἰς διάνοιξιν τῶν τῆς ψυχῆς ὀφθαλμῶν, εἰς γεῦσιν τοῦ ὄντως ἔρωτος. ἀλλ' ἔστι μοι σὺν τῇ ψυχῇ καὶ τὸ σῶμα ἀσθενές, ὡς οἶσθα, καὶ οὐκ οἶδ' ὅ τι χρήσωμαι· μικρὸν γὰρ εἰ δόξω βιάζεσθαι, ἀπόλλω καὶ ὅπερ μικρὸν κατέχω. μίαν ταύτην παρηγορίαν εὕρηκα (καὶ δέον ἀναθέσθαι σοι, πάτερ μου), ἐξ ἀναγνώσεως καὶ ἐρωτήσεως τῶν Ἀνατολικῶν μαθὼν τὸ χρῆναι τοὺς ἡσυχάζοντας εἰ δυνατὸν καθ' ἑκάστην μεταλαμβάνειν τῆς θείας κοινωνίας. ἐχρησάμην οὕτως καὶ εὗρον βοήθειαν ὁ ἄθλιος, ὑποστελλομένης τῆς διανοίας ἐκ τῆς ἐμπαθοῦς κινήσεως διὰ τὴν τοῦ δώρου ἔμφοβον ὑποδοχήν. καὶ τί γὰρ μεῖζον εἰς ἀγαλλίασιν καὶ φωτισμὸν εἴη ἂν τῇ ψυχῇ πλέον τῆς θείας κοινωνίας; ἐν ποτηρίῳ δὲ ὑαλίνῳ ἀφωρισμένῳ προβαλὼν οἶνον καὶ εὐξάμενος τὰ συνήθη μετέχω ὁ ἀνάξιος τοῦ δώρου. καὶ δήλωσόν μοι εἰ καλῶς ποιῶ ἢ οὔ· πέρανον τῶν καρπῶν σου φαγέσθαι. Μακάριος εἶ, πάτερ μου, καὶ καλῶς σοι ἔσται, πατὴρ χρηματίσας πολλῶν καὶ εἰς μέτρον ἀρετῆς τοσοῦτον ἀγαγών, ὥστε τανῦν ἐν ἐξορίᾳ ὑπάρχειν τοὺς πάντας δι' ἐντολὴν καὶ νόμον Κυρίου. ἀλλ' ὑπερεύχου πᾶσι τελειῶσαι αὐτοῖς τὸν δρόμον.