Letter 77: I am writing from my bed, which should tell you all you need to know about my current condition.

Ambrose of MilanSabinus, Guardian (Defensorem)|c. 385 AD|Ambrose of Milan|Human translated
illness

Ambrose to Sabinus — greetings.

I am writing from my bed, which should tell you all you need to know about my current condition. The body that once carried me through Senate debates and provincial administration now protests at the effort of holding a pen.

Do not worry — I have been ill before and recovered. But each illness is a reminder of what I would prefer to forget: that this body is temporary, and the day is coming when no recovery will be possible. Paul said "To live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21), and I believe him, but I confess that on a good day I prefer the living to the gaining.

The curious thing about illness is that it sharpens the mind even as it weakens the body. When I am well, I am distracted by a thousand tasks — letters, disputes, visitors, the endless administrative machinery of this see. When I am ill, the distractions fall away, and I am left alone with God and my own thoughts. It is not a pleasant encounter, but it is a productive one.

I have been reading the psalms of David — particularly the psalms of complaint. David was not afraid to tell God that he was miserable, and God did not strike him dead for the impertinence. There is a lesson in that: honesty with God is always safe, even when it is not polite.

Pray for my recovery, brother — not because I fear death, but because Milan still needs its bishop, and I have not yet finished the work God has given me. When the work is done, I will go willingly.

In the meantime, send me your letters. They are better medicine than anything my physicians prescribe.

Farewell.

Human translationNew Advent (NPNF / ANF series)

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