Letter 1006: In describing loftily the sweetness of contemplation, you have renewed the groans of my fallen state, since I hear what I have lost inwardly while mounting outwardly, though undeserving, to the topmost height of rule. Know then that I am stricken with so great sorrow that I can scarcely speak; for the dark shades of grief block up the eyes of my...

Book I, Letter 6 To Narses, Patrician [a high-ranking nobleman at the imperial court in Constantinople]. Gregory to Narses. By describing the sweetness of contemplation so eloquently, you have reopened wounds I thought I was learning to live with. You remind me of what I've lost inwardly, even as I've risen — against my will and my better judgment — to the highest seat of authority. I can barely tell you how heavy that reminder sits on me. Everything I look at feels grey. Things that should bring comfort bring none. The higher I've climbed in the world's estimation, the further I've fallen from the peace that actually matters. I feel like a man sent into exile from the Lord's presence as punishment for his sins. I find myself saying with the prophet — not as prophecy but as a plain description of my own experience — the words of destroyed Jerusalem: "He who should comfort me has departed far from me" (Lamentations 1:16). And when you hunt through your letter for the grandest possible words to describe my position and title — you're dressing up an ape as a lion, dearest brother. It's like calling a scruffy mongrel a leopard. Don't do it. I feel as though I've lost my children — meaning, through the crush of worldly business, I've lost the fruits of righteous work. So please: don't call me Naomi, "the pleasant one." Call me Mara, "for I am full of bitterness" (Ruth 1:20). On your earlier point — that I shouldn't have told you to "plough with wild oxen in the Lord's field," since when the sheet was shown to Peter, it contained all manner of wild beasts along with oxen, and the command that followed was "Slay and eat" (Acts 10:13): I take your meaning. But consider — you hadn't slain those beasts yet. Why were you already expecting to consume them through obedience? The beast you mentioned in your letter refused to be brought down by the sword of your words. You have to feed on what you've actually managed to win over. As for our brothers — I believe things will unfold as you predicted, God willing. But it wasn't the right moment for me to raise the matter with our most gracious lords [the Emperor and Empress]; one shouldn't begin a new appointment by immediately filing complaints. I have written to my dear son, the deacon Honoratus [Gregory's representative in Constantinople], to bring it up with them at the right moment and report back to me promptly. Please give my warm greetings to the lord Alexander, the lord Theodorus, my son Marinus, the lady Esicia, the lady Eudochia, and the lady Dominica.

Book I, Letter 6 To Narses, Patrician. Gregory to Narses, etc. In describing loftily the sweetness of contemplation, you have renewed the groans of my fallen state, since I hear what I have lost inwardly while mounting outwardly, though undeserving, to the topmost height of rule. Know then that I am stricken with so great sorrow that I can scarcely speak; for the dark shades of grief block up the eyes of my soul. Whatever is beheld is sad, whatever is thought delightful appears to my heart lamentable. For I reflect to what a dejected height of external advancement I have mounted in falling from the lofty height of my rest. And, being sent for my faults into the exile of employment from the face of my Lord, I say with the prophet, in the words, as it were of destroyed Jerusalem, He who should comfort me has departed far from me Lamentations 1:16. But when, in seeking a similitude to express my condition and title, you frame periods and declamations in your letter, certainly, dearest brother, you call an ape a lion. Herein we see that you do as we often do, when we call mangy whelps pards or tigers. For I, my good man, have, as it were, lost my children, since through earthly cares I have lost works of righteousness. Therefore call me not Noemi, that is fair; but call me Mara, for I am full of bitterness Ruth 1:20. But as to your saying that I ought not to have written, That you should plough with bubali in the Lord's field, seeing that when in the sheet shown to the blessed Peter both bubali and all wild beasts were presented to view; you know yourself that it is subjoined, Slay and eat Acts 10:13. You, then, who had not yet slain these beasts, why did you already wish to eat them through obedience? Or do you not know that the beast about which you wrote refused to be slain by the sword of your mouth? You must needs, then, satisfy the hunger of your desire with those whom you have been able to prick and slay (Lit., to slay through compunction). Further, as to the case of our brethren, I think that, if God gives aid, it will be as you have written. It was not, however, by any means right for me to write about it at present to our most serene lords, since at the very outset one should not begin with complaints. But I have written to my well-beloved son, the deacon Honoratus , that he should mention the matter to them in a suitable manner at a seasonable time, and speedily inform me of their reply. I beg greetings to be given in my behalf to the lord Alexander, the lord Theodorus , my son Marinus, the lady Esicia, the lady Eudochia, and the lady Dominica. About this page Source. Translated by James Barmby. From Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Second Series, Vol. 12. Edited by Philip Schaff and Henry Wace. (Buffalo, NY: Christian Literature Publishing Co., 1895.) Revised and edited for New Advent by Kevin Knight. <https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/360201006.htm>. Contact information. The editor of New Advent is Kevin Knight. My email address is feedback732 at newadvent.org. (To help fight spam, this address might change occasionally.) Regrettably, I can't reply to every letter, but I greatly appreciate your feedback — especially notifications about typographical errors and inappropriate ads.