Letter 21: 1. Before all things I ask your pious wisdom to take into consideration that, on the one hand, if the duties of the office of a bishop, or presbyter, or deacon, be discharged in a perfunctory and time-serving manner, no work can be in this life more easy, agreeable, and likely to secure the favour of men, especially in our day, but none at the s...

Augustine, Presbyter, to my lord Bishop Valerius — most blessed and venerable, my father in the Lord — greetings in the Lord. 1. Before anything else, I ask you to consider something carefully: when the offices of bishop, presbyter, or deacon are carried out in a perfunctory, time-serving way, no work in this life is easier or more likely to win popular approval — especially today — but none is at the same time more wretched, more deplorable, or more deserving of condemnation before God. And yet when these same offices are faithfully discharged, as the Captain of our salvation commands, no work in this life is harder, more exhausting, or more dangerous — but none is more blessed before God. I never learned the right way to do any of this, either in childhood or in my earlier years. And at the very moment I was beginning to learn, I was pressed — as a just punishment for my sins, I can only think — into taking the second seat at the helm before I had ever learned to handle an oar. 2. I believe this was the Lord's correction. I had presumed, thinking myself superior in knowledge and virtue, to criticize the failings of many sailors before I had any experience at sea. Once I was sent down to work alongside them, I began to feel the full rashness of my former judgments. That is why some of the brothers saw me weeping in the city on the day of my ordination — and though they tried their best to comfort me, their kind words missed the real cause of my grief entirely. But experience has now taught me things that merely thinking about them had never conveyed. Not that I have encountered waves and storms I had never heard of — but I had not known how little I was equipped to weather them, and had foolishly imagined my ability was worth something when it was worth nothing. The Lord laughed at me, and was pleased to show me, by direct experience, exactly what I am. 3. But if he has done this not in judgment but in mercy — and this is my confident hope — then my duty, now that I know my weakness, is to study with diligence every remedy the Scriptures contain for my situation, and through prayer and reading to acquire the spiritual strength such demanding work requires. This I have not yet been able to do. I was ordained at the very moment I had planned, together with some friends, to secure a period of uninterrupted leisure for immersing myself in the divine Scriptures — I had arranged everything for that purpose. True, even before my ordination I did not know how unfit I was for this work that now overwhelms me. But if experience has at last shown me what I need, only to make it impossible to obtain — are you telling me to perish, Father Valerius? Where is your charity? Do you truly love me? Do you truly love the Church to which you have appointed me, so unqualified, to minister? I am sure you love both. But you think me qualified — while I know myself better, though I would not have come to know myself without experience. 4. Perhaps Your Holiness replies: "Tell me what you still lack." The things I lack are so many that it would be easier to list what I have. I know and wholeheartedly believe the doctrines of salvation. But my difficulty is this: how do I use that truth in ministering to others — seeking what benefits not myself alone but the many? Without doubt, there are counsels in the sacred books by which a man of God may discharge his duties to the Church, and maintain a clear conscience before ungodly people, whether living or dying, so as not to lose the life for which every humble Christian heart longs. But how is this achieved except — as the Lord himself says — by asking, seeking, and knocking: that is, by prayer, reading, and weeping? For this I have petitioned through the brothers, and I now repeat the request in this letter: that a brief period — say until Easter — be granted me by your sincere and venerable charity. 5. What shall I answer the Lord my Judge? Shall I say I was unable to prepare because I was consumed entirely by the affairs of the Church? What if he replies: "You wicked servant — if Church property were being seized by an oppressor, and you could do something to defend it in court, would you not leave the field I watered with my blood and go plead that case, with everyone's consent and some people's urgent orders?" All of this he might justly say. But consider: is it not far worse to let a soul be lost through neglect of God's word than to lose a field through injustice? 6. Consider all these things, aged Valerius — consider them, I beg you, by the goodness and severity of Christ, by his mercy and his judgment, by the One who has planted such love in you for me that I dare not displease you, even when my soul's welfare is at stake. You appeal to God and Christ as witnesses of your sincerity and love for me — as though these were things I would not gladly swear to myself. I therefore appeal to that very love: have pity on me and grant me the time I have asked for. Help me with your prayers, that my absence be not wasted, and that it bear fruit for the Church of Christ and for the benefit of my brothers. I know the Lord will not despise your intercession, especially for such a cause; and accepting it as a sweet offering, he will restore me to you — perhaps sooner than the period I have requested — truly equipped for his service through the profitable counsels of his written word.

Letter 21 (A.D. 391) To My Lord Bishop Valerius, Most Blessed and Venerable, My Father Most Warmly Cherished with True Love in the Sight of the Lord, Augustine, Presbyter, Sends Greeting in the Lord. 1. Before all things I ask your pious wisdom to take into consideration that, on the one hand, if the duties of the office of a bishop, or presbyter, or deacon, be discharged in a perfunctory and time-serving manner, no work can be in this life more easy, agreeable, and likely to secure the favour of men, especially in our day, but none at the same time more miserable, deplorable, and worthy of condemnation in the sight of God; and, on the other hand, that if in the office of bishop, or presbyter, or deacon, the orders of the Captain of our salvation be observed, there is no work in this life more difficult, toilsome, and hazardous, especially in our day, but none at the same time more blessed in the sight of God. But what the proper mode of discharging these duties is, I did not learn either in boyhood or in the earlier years of manhood; and at the time when I was beginning to learn it, I was constrained as a just correction for my sins (for I know not what else to think) to accept the second place at the helm, when as yet I knew not how to handle an oar. 2. But I think that it was the purpose of my Lord hereby to rebuke me, because I presumed, as if entitled by superior knowledge and excellence, to reprove the faults of many sailors before I had learned by experience the nature of their work. Therefore, after I had been sent in among them to share their labours, then I began to feel the rashness of my censures; although even before that time I judged this office to be beset with many dangers. And hence the tears which some of my brethren perceived me shedding in the city at the time of my ordination, and because of which they did their utmost with the best intentions to console me, but with words which, through their not knowing the causes of my sorrow, did not reach my case at all. But my experience has made me realize these things much more both in degree and in measure than I had done in merely thinking of them: not that I have now seen any new waves or storms of which I had not previous knowledge by observation, or report, or reading, or meditation; but because I had not known my own skill or strength for avoiding or encountering them, and had estimated it to be of some value instead of none. The Lord, however, laughed at me, and was pleased to show me by actual experience what I am. 3. But if He has done this not in judgment, but in mercy, as I confidently hope even now, when I have learned my infirmity, my duty is to study with diligence all the remedies which the Scriptures contain for such a case as mine, and to make it my business by prayer and reading to secure that my soul be endued with the health and vigour necessary for labours so responsible. This I have not yet done, because I have not had time; for I was ordained at the very time when I was thinking of having, along with others, a season of freedom from all other occupation, that we might acquaint ourselves with the divine Scriptures, and was intending to make such arrangements as would secure unbroken leisure for this great work. Moreover, it is true that I did not at any earlier period know how great was my unfitness for the arduous work which now disquiets and crushes my spirit. But if I have by experience learned what is necessary for a man who ministers to a people in the divine sacraments and word, only to find myself prevented from now obtaining what I have learned that I do not possess, do you bid me perish, father Valerius? Where is your charity? Do you indeed love me? Do you indeed love the Church to which you have appointed me, thus unqualified, to minister? I am well assured that you love both; but you think me qualified, while I know myself better; and yet I would not have come to know myself if I had not learned by experience. 4. Perhaps your Holiness replies: I wish to know what is lacking to fit you for your office. The things which I lack are so many, that I could more easily enumerate the things which I have than those which I desire to have. I may venture to say that I know and unreservedly believe the doctrines pertaining to our salvation. But my difficulty is in the question how I am to use this truth in ministering to the salvation of others, seeking what is profitable not for myself alone, but for many, that they may be saved. And perhaps there may be, nay, beyond all question there are, written in the sacred books, counsels by the knowledge and acceptance of which the man of God may so discharge his duties to the Church in the things of God, or at least so keep a conscience void of offense in the midst of ungodly men, whether living or dying, as to secure that that life for which alone humble and meek Christian hearts sigh is not lost. But how can this be done, except, as the Lord Himself tells us, by asking, seeking, knocking, that is, by praying, reading, and weeping? For this I have by the brethren made the request, which in this petition I now renew, that a short time, say till Easter, be granted me by your unfeigned and venerable charity. 5. For what shall I answer to the Lord my Judge? Shall I say, I was not able to acquire the things of which I stood in need, because I was engrossed wholly with the affairs of the Church? What if He thus replies: You wicked servant, if property belonging to the Church (in the collection of the fruits of which great labour is expended) were suffering loss under some oppressor, and it was in your power to do something in defense of her rights at the bar of an earthly judge, would you not, leaving the field which I have watered with my blood, go to plead the cause with the consent of all, and even with the urgent commands of some? And if the decision given were against the Church, would you not, in prosecuting an appeal, go across the sea; and would no complaint be heard summoning you home from an absence of a year or more, because your object was to prevent another from taking possession of land required not for the souls, but for the bodies of the poor, whose hunger might nevertheless be satisfied in a way much easier and more acceptable to me by my living trees, if these were cultivated with care? Wherefore, then, do you allege that you had not time to learn how to cultivate my field? Tell me, I beseech you, what could I reply? Are you perchance willing that I should say, The aged Valerius is to blame; for, believing me to be instructed in all things necessary, he declined, with a determination proportioned to his love for me, to give me permission to learn what I had not acquired? 6. Consider all these things, aged Valerius; consider them, I beseech you, by the goodness and severity of Christ, by His mercy and judgment, by Him who has inspired you with such love for me that I dare not displease you, even when the advantage of my soul is at stake. You, moreover, appeal to God and to Christ to bear witness to me concerning your innocence and charity, and the sincere love which you bear to me, just as if all these were not things about which I may myself willingly take my oath. I therefore appeal to the love and affection which you have thus avouched. Have pity on me, and grant me, for the purpose for which I have asked it, the time which I have asked; and help me with your prayers, that my desire may not be in vain, and that my absence may not be without fruit to the Church of Christ, and to the profit of my brethren and fellow-servants. I know that the Lord will not despise your love interceding for me, especially in such a cause as this; and accepting it as a sacrifice of sweet savour, He will restore me to you, perhaps, within a period shorter than I have craved, thoroughly furnished for His service by the profitable counsels of His written word.

EPISTOLA 21 Scripta ante Pascha a. 391. Augustinus in presbyterum Hipponensis Ecclesiae ordinatus praesertim ad verbum Dei dispensandum (a. 391 ineunte), secum reputans quam difficile ac periculi plenum sit sacerdotem pium agere (n. 1-2), obsecrat Valerium episcopum ut patiatur ipsum in recessu precibus ,et Scripturae Sacrae studio hoc agere ut sit idoneus imposito muneri (n. 34) rationem Deo de hac re redditurus (n. 5-6).   Domino beatissimo et venerabili, in conspectu Domini sincera caritate carissimo patri Valerio Episcopo, Augustinus presbyter, in Domino salutem Quam difficile ac periculosum sacerdotis munus. 1. Ante omnia peto, ut cogitet religiosa prudentia tua, nihil esse in hac vita, et maxime hoc tempore, facilius et laetius, et hominibus acceptabilius episcopi, aut presbiteri, aut diaconi officio si perfunctorie atque adulatorie res agatur: sed nihil apud Deum miserius, et tristius, et damnabilius. Item nihil esse in hac vita, et maxime hoc tempore difficilius, laboriosius, periculosius episcopi, aut presbiteri, aut diaconi officio; sed apud Deum nihil beatius, si eo modo militetur quo noster imperator iubet 1. Quis autem iste sit modus, nec a pueritia, nec ab adolescentia mea didici: et eo tempore quo discere coeperam, vis mihi facta est, merito peccatorum meorum (nam quid aliud existimem nescio), ut secundus locus gubernaculorum mihi traderetur, qui remum tenere non noveram. Cur A. fleverit cum presbyter ordinatus esset. 2. Sed arbitror Dominum meum propterea me sic emendare voluisse, quod multorum peccata nautarum, antequam expertus essem quid illic agitur, quasi doctior et melior reprehendere audebam. Itaque posteaquam missus sum in medium, tunc sentire coepi temeritates reprehensionum mearum; quamquam et antea periculosissimum iudicarem hoc ministerium. Et hinc erant lacrymae illae quas me fundere in civitate, ordinationis meae tempore, nonnulli fratres animadverterunt, et nescientes causas doloris mei, quibus potuerunt sermonibus, qui omnino ad vulnus meum non pertinerent, tamen bono animo consolati sunt. Sed multo valde ac multo amplius expertus sum, quam putabam: non quia novos aliquos fluctus aut tempestates vidi quas ante non noveram, vel non audieram, vel non legeram, vel non cogitaveram; sed ad eas evitandas aut perferendas solertiam et vires meas omnino non noveram, et alicuius momenti arbitrabar. Dominus autem irrisit me, et rebus ipsis ostendere voluit meipsum mihi. Differri non posse Scripturae Sacrae studium. 3. Quod si non damnando, sed miserando fecit, hoc enim spero certe vel nunc cognita aegritudine mea, debeo Scripturarum eius medicamenta omnia perscrutari, et orando ac legendo agere, ut idonea valetudo animae meae, ad tam pericolosa negotia tribuatur; quod ante non feci, quia et tempus non habui. Tunc enim ordinatus sum, cum de ipso vacationis tempore ad cognoscendas divinas Scripturas cogitaremus, et sic nos disponere vellemus, ut nobis otium ad hoc negotium posset esse. Et quod verum est, nondum sciebam quid mihi deesset ad tale opus, quale me nunc torquet et conterit. Quod si propterea in re ipsa didici quid sit homini necessarium, qui populo ministrat sacramentum et verbum Dei, ut iam non mihi liceat assequi quod me non habere cognovi: iubes ergo ut peream, pater Valeri! Ubi est caritas tua? certe diligis me? certe diligis ipsam Ecclesiam cui me sic ministrare voluisti? Et tamen certus sum quod et me et ipsam diligis. Sed putas me idoneum, cum ego melius me noverim, qui tamen nec ipse me nossem, nisi experiendo didicissem. A. petit ut secedat ad orandum et ad studendum. 4. Sed dicit fortasse Sanctitas tua: vellem scire quid desit instructioni tuae. Tam multa autem sunt, ut facilius possim enumerare quae habeam, quam quae habere desidero. Auderem enim dicere, scire me, et plena fide retinere quid pertineat ad salutem nostram. Sed hoc ipsum quomodo ministrem ad salutem aliorum, non quaerens quod mihi utile est, sed quod multis, ut salvi fiant 2? Et sunt fortasse aliqua, imo non est dubitandum esse, in sanctis Libris conscripta consilia, quibus cognitis et apprehensis possit homo Dei rebus ecclesiasticis ordinatioribus ministrare, aut certe inter manus iniquorum vel vivere conscientia saniore, vel mori, ut illa vita non amittatur, cui uni christiana corda humilia et mansueta suspirant. Quomodo autem hoc fieri potest, nisi quemadmodum ipse Dominus dicit, petendo, quaerendo, pulsando 3; id est orando, legendo, plangendo? Ad quod negotium mihi parvum tempus velut usque ad Pascha impetrare volui per fratres a tua sincerissima et venerabili caritate, et nunc per has preces volo. Severum Dei iudicium in sacerdotem scientiae sacrae expertem. 5. Quid enim responsurus sum Domino iudici: Non poteram ista iam quaerere, cum ecclesiasticis negotiis impedirer? Si ergo mihi dicat: Serve nequam 4, si villa Ecclesiae calumniosum aliquem pateretur, cuius fructibus colligendis magna opera impenditur; neglecto agro quem rigavi sanguine meo, si quid agere pro ea posses apud iudicem terrae, nonne omnibus consentientibus, nonnullis etiam iubentibus et cogentibus pergeres, et si contra te iudicaretur, etiam trans mare proficisceris? Atque hoc modo vel annuam vel eo amplius absentiam tuam nulla querela revocaret, ne alius possideret terram, non animae sed corpori pauperum necessariam; quorum tamen famem vivae arbores meae multo facilius mihique gratius, si diligenter colerentur, explerent? Cur ergo ad discendam agriculturam meam vacationem temporis tibi defuisse causaris? Dic mihi quid respondeam, rogo te? An forte vis dicam: Senex Valerius dum me omnibus rebus instructum esse credidisset, quanto amplius me dilexit, tanto minus ista discere permisit? A. Valerium implorat ut misereatur ipsius. 6. Attende omnia ista, senex Valeri, obsecro te per bonitatem et severitatem Christi, per misericordiam et iudicium eius, per eum qui tantam tibi inspiravit erga nos caritatem, ut ne te, nec pro lucro animae nostrae, audeamus offendere. Sic autem mihi Deum et Christum testem facis innocentiae et caritatis, et sinceri affectus quem circa nos habes, quasi ego non de his iurare omnibus possim. Ipsam ergo caritatem et affectum imploro, ut miserearis mei, et concedas mihi, ad hoc quod rogavi, tempus quantum rogavi, atque adiuves me orationibus tuis, ut non sit inane desiderium meum, nec infructuosa Ecclesiae Christi atque utilitati fratrum et conservorum meorum absentia mea. Scio quod illam caritatem pro me orantem, maxime in tali causa, non despicit Dominus; et eam sicut sacrificium suavitatis accipiens, fortassis breviore tempore quam postulavi, me saluberrimis consiliis de Scripturis suis reddet instructum.