Letter 58: Evagrius tells Hymettius he must stay in his cell to pursue contemplation.

I know that I am falling behind, Hymettius, and that I am troubling your sober-minded friendship by kindling your affection with my promises. Be patient with me, I ask you, because even now I am not strong enough to face the world with confidence. You know from the beginning what dishonorable conduct I passed through. But the Lord sent his angel and delivered me from the hands of King Herod and from everything the Judeans plotted against me. Now my aim is set: I must not leave my cell. My struggle is over the contemplation of created beings and of the Holy Trinity, and the demons are raising a great war against us to prevent us from knowing, while we are eager to learn. So I am afraid that, if I become entangled with the world, Jesus within me may grow old and cease to command my army, and I may again become a slave to foreigners. The mourning for my blessed father has deeply grieved my mind, because the Holy Spirit wants the state of contemplation to be without the form of an image, and the mind to be free from every passionate thought. Just as the sight of a dim eye is not clear in seeing visible things, so a mind that has passionate thoughts does not understand spiritual things. It must stretch itself little by little toward all things so that it may draw near to the one cause and Father of spiritual beings, who is revealed to the heart through withdrawal from all visible things. Those who see have much to say about the contemplation of beings. But regarding the Holy Trinity, there is one conception of knowledge concerning it, since it is essential knowledge and is revealed to a mind stripped of passions. Yet the intellect cannot see unless it runs up to the height of this mountain. The knowledge of the Holy Trinity is a spiritual mountain, hard to approach. If the mind is judged worthy of it, it withdraws from concern with things. The angels led blessed Lot toward this mountain, saying, "Escape to the mountain, lest you be swept away." I wish I were the river of the Lord. I would gladly flow into the sea of the world and sweeten the bitterness of souls' vice. But now I am a waterless cloud driven by the wind into the desert. It is dangerous for an imperfect monk to leave his cell before he receives completion in both upright conduct and contemplation. It would have been better for him if he had never entered the contest at the beginning and never enrolled himself to fight the beasts. Remember the scriptural story: Amalek and the sons of the East crossed the Jordan and fought Israel while it was living in the land of promise, because Israel had grown sluggish in the fear of God. By the Lord's grace, I am struggling not only to do nothing improper, but also to think nothing evil. I confess that I have not yet reached the perfection of this state. But I press on with confidence, and I believe I will attain it, because the one who called me from darkness into the holy and blessed light promised this to me.

Greek retroversion from Syriac transmission (Frankenberg 1912, TAN/TEI CC BY 4.0): οιδα οτι απολειπω και την σωφροσυνην σου, Υμεττιε, θλιβω την φιλιαν σου δια των εμου επαγγελιων εκκαιων· μακροθυμησον μοι δεομαι σου οτι εως αρτι (ακμην) ουχ ισχυω του κοσμου καταθαρρειν. οισθα γαρ απαρχης οιαν αγωγην ατιμον διηγαγον αλλ' ο κυριος επεμψε τον αγγειον αυτου και ελυτρωσε με εκ χειρων Ηρωδου του βασιλεως και εξ ων κατ' εμου διελογισαντο οι ιουδαιοι. νυνι δε κειται μοι μη καταλειπειν την κελλην μου· περι γαρ της θεωριας των τε οντων και της αγιας τριαδος ο αγων μου καθεστηκε και μεγαν πολεμον εταντιον ημων συνιστασιν οι δαιμονες του ψιγνωσχειν ημας κωλυοντες ημεις δε επειγομεθα μαθειν. τοιγαρουν φοβουμαι μηποτε μου τωι κοσμωι συμπλεκομενου ο Ιησους ον εμοι γηρασκηι και παυηται μοι στρατηγουμενος και παλιν δουλος γενωμαι τοις αλλοφυλοις. σφοδρα κατελυπησε μου την διανοιαν το του μακαριου πατρος μου πενθος διοτι την θεωριας καταστασιν ανευ ειδους εικονος το αγιον πνευμα θελει γενεσθαι τε και τον νουν παντων εμπαθων νοηματων απελευθερον ειναι· ωσπερ γαρ οφθαλμου αμβλυωττοντος ου δηλαυγης η των ορατων οψις ουτως και νους εμπαθη εχων νοηματα τα πνευματικα ουκ εννοει και πρεπει αυτον κατ' ολιγον προς παντα επεκτεινεσθαι ινα εχηι εγγισαι προς την μιαν αιτιαν τε και πατερα των πνευματικων δι' αποχωρησεως παντων των ορατων τηι καρδιαι αποκαλυπτομενον. της των οντων θεωριας πολλη η παρα τοις ορωσι διηγησις, της δε αγιας τριαδος μια εστιν η της περι αυτης γνωσεως εννοια ως δη ουσιωδους ουσης γνωσεως τε και νοι παθων γυμνωι αποκαλυπτομενης. αλλ ου δυναται το νοητικον οραν (?ζην) εαν μη τρεχηι εις υψος τουτου του ορους· ορος γαρ πνευμαατικον εστι η γνωσις της αγιας τριαδος χαλεπον προσεγγιζειν· τουτου εαν καταξιωθηι ο νους αποχωρει της των πραγματων μεριμνης. προς το ορος τουτο απηγαγον οι αγγελοι τον μακαριον λωτ λεγοντες εις το ορος σωζου μη ποτε συμπαραλημφθηις . οφελον ειναι ο του κυριου ποταμος και ηδεως εις την κοσμου θαλασσαν ενεδωκα ωστε την πικροτητα της των ψυχων κακιας γλυκαινειν· νυν δε νεφελη ανυδρος ειμι υπο πνευματος εις την ερημον διωκομενη. κινδυνος εστι τωι μοναχωι μη τελειωι της κελλης εξιεναι πριν τελειωσιν των τε κατορθωματων και της θεωριας λαβειν. αγαθον ην αυτωι ει απαρχης τον τε αγωνα ου μετηιει και αυτον εις το θηριοις μαχεσθαι ου κατεγραψε. μνημονευε της γραφης διηγησεως πως Αμαληκ και υιοι ανατολης τον Ιορδανην περασαντες Ισραηλ εμαχεσαντο εν γηι της επαγγελιας κατοικουντι ως δη εν φοβωι θεου οκνησαντι. εγω δια χαριτος κυριου αγωνιζομαι ου μονον ινα τι απρεπες μη πραττω αλλα και μη τι κακον λογιζωμαι, ομολογω δε οτι ακμην ουκ εφιγμαι εις τελειοτητα ταυτης της καταστασεως· επικρατω δε θαρρων και πιστευω καταληψεσθαι οτι τουτο μοι επηγγειλεν ο καλεσας με απο σκοτους εις το αγιον και μακαριον φως Syriac transmission available in the linked TAN/TEI source. The complete corpus is Syriac-transmitted; Greek survives only fragmentarily, so this display text is a retroversion witness.