Letter 30

PAULINUS TO AUSONIUS You recall that the silences of my tongue go on unbroken while you are never mute, and you reproach me with an idleness made pleasing by my hiding-places; on top of that you add the charge of friendship neglected, you cast my wife in my teeth as something to be feared, and you hurl a harsh verse into my very vitals. Spare, I beg you, to wound one who is your own, and do not wish to mingle bitterness with a father's words, as one mingles wormwood with honey. My care has ever been, and it remains, to do you honor with every dutiful service, to watch over you with faithful affection. Never has your good favor been stained for me by even the slightest blemish; I have always feared to hurt you by my very look and to do you violence by an unguarded expression; and when I came to you, in reverence I composed my face with more caution and shaped my brow with a cheerful eye, lest any false suspicion should draw, even from a silent breast, a contracted cloud over you, my revered father. By this example my household has honored you and honors you still, and so great is our agreement in love toward you as is our agreement in worshiping Christ with a mind made one with his. What envy, I ask, has drawn a film over your heart against your own? By what rumor has report, ever ready, broken in through your ears upon a devoted man and struck your spirit, and against the old faith proven by piety has it stirred new wounds, so that, ill-counseling, it might make a son injure a peaceable father? But my mind, conscious of an unfeigned simplicity, and the piety of an uncultivated father [or: a father not lacking in cultivation], not guilty, spurns every yoke [iumentum] and will not bear to be grazed by a false charge, being truly free of it: it is the more grievously violated by an unjust wound, as easily given to offense as it is free of fault. That I have shaken off the yoke by which I was joined to you in learned studies, of which you complain, I declare that I have not even so much as worn it. For equals come under one yoke: no one couples the strong with the weak, nor are the reins in harmony, if the measure of those forced together be unequal to the team. If you join a calf to a bull, or a horse to a wild ass; if you set coots beside swans, and the nightingale's song beside the screech-owl, hazels beside chestnuts, or match wayside shrubs [viburnum] with cypresses—then set me beside yourself: Tully [Cicero] and Maro [Virgil] could scarcely bear an equal yoke with you. If I am to be yoked in love, this alone shall I dare to boast of myself as your yoke-fellow, wherein the modest man, paired with you, contends on equal reins with the great. Sweet friendship makes me your equal through an eternal bond with you and ever by the equal laws of love returned. This yoke no sinister tale has loosed from my neck, no long absence has parted it on earth, nor shall it destroy it, though I be drawn away by the whole world or the whole of time. Never shall I pass my days divided from you in spirit: sooner shall life itself withdraw from my body than your face from my heart. You—through all the age that is given and appointed to mortals, so long as I shall be contained within this closing body, however far I be set apart by the world—you, neither distant by a world nor removed from my sight, I shall hold grafted into my inmost being: I shall see you with my heart, with devoted mind embrace you, present to me everywhere. And when, freed from the prison of the body, I shall have flown forth from the earth, to whatever region of the sky our common Father shall assign me, there too I shall bear you in my soul; nor shall that same end which shall release me from my body also release me from love of you. For the mind, which survives the limbs once fallen and endures from a heavenly stock, must needs keep its own senses and its own affections, just as it keeps its own life; and as it cannot die, so it cannot forget, being everlastingly alive and mindful. Farewell, illustrious lord.

THOU tellest me that my tongue keeps unbroken silence while thou art never dumb, and reproachest me with choosing idleness in secret retreats, and withal addest the charge of neglected friendship and tauntest me with terror of my spouse, launching a cruel line against my very heart.3 Cease, I prithee, to wound thy friend, and seek not to mingle bitterness—as wormwood with honey —with a father's words. My care has been and still, endures, to honour thee with every friendly token, to compass thee with faithful affection. No blemish, however slight, has ever marred my devotion towards thee; even by a look I have ever feared to hurt thee and to wrong thee with an. unguarded aspect; and when I have approached thee, out of respect I have the more heedfully ordered my looks and given my features a bright and cheerful cast, that no ungrounded suspicion might bring down a cloud upon thee, my revered father, even though arising from an unspoken thought. After like pattern my household has honoured and honours thee, and in love for thee we are as agreed together as our hearts are linked together in worship of Christ. What rancour, I beg of thee, against thy friends is crept over thy heart? With what idle tale has nimble Slander forced her way into thy ears, smitten thy fond heart, and aimed late blows against the tried affection of ancient faith, so as to harm a son by cozening a sire from his peace? But my heart is conscious of no feigned sincerity, my devotion, guiltless of neglect towards my father, hurls back with scorn every undeserved taunt, and brooks not to be scarred with a false charge because in truth innocent: as easy hurt as it is free from fault, it is the more sorely injured by an unjust blow. Thou dost complain that I have shaken off the yoke 1 wherewith I was joined with thee in the pursuit of letters. This I declare that I have never even borne. For only equals share one yoke: no one links the powerful with the weak, and no team works with one will, if the forced yoke-fellows are of unequal measure. If thou dost match calves with bulls or horses with wild-asses; if thou comparest moorhens with swans, and nightingales with owls, hazels with chestnuts, or rankest wayside shrubs with cypresses;—then place me beside thee: Tully and Maro scarce could uphold a like yoke with thee. If I be yoked in love, in that alone will I dare boast myself thy yoke-fellow wherein the humble vies with the great in even career. Sweet friendship makes us peers through the eternal bond betwixt me and thee and through the equal laws of endless mutual love. This yoke no malicious tale has unloosed from my neck, no long absence from my land has broken it nor ever shall destroy it, though I should be removed from thee by the whole span of space and time. Never shall I live separate from thee in soul: sooner shall life itself depart from my frame than thy face from my heart. Through all the length of time given to mortals and ordained, so long as I shall be confined in this halting frame, though I be held a world apart, thee neither parted by a world nor severed from my sight I will keep implanted in my inmost being: in heart I shall see thee, in loving thought embrace thee, having thee with me everywhere. And when, released from the prison of the body, I shall have (town forth from the earth, in whatever clime our general Father shall place me, there also will I bear thee in my heart; nor shall the selfsame end which severs me from my body, unloose me from love of thee. For the soul, which, surviving the body's ruin, endures in virtue of heavenly birth, must needs keep both its own faculties and affections no less than its own life, and so admits forgetfulness no more than death, remaining ever living, ever mindful. Farewell, illustrious master.

AUSONIO PAULINUS CONTINUVTA meae durare silentia linguae te numquam tacito memoras placitamque latebris desidiam exprobras neglectaeque insuper addis crimen amicitiae formidatamque iugalem obicis et durum iacis in mea viscera versum. parce, precor, lacerare tuum, nec amara paternis admiscere velis, eeu melle absinthia, verbis. Cura mihi semper fuit et manet officiis te omnibus excolere, adfectu observare fideli, non umquam tenui saltim tua gratia naevo conmaculata mihi est; ipso te laedere vultu semper et incauta timui violare figura; eumque tua accessi, venerans mea cautius ora conposui et laeto formavi lumine frontem, ne qua vel a tacito contractam pectore nubem duceret in sanctum suspicio falsa parentem. hoc mea te domus exemplo coluitque colitque inque tuum tantus nobis consensus amorem est, quantus et in Christum conexa mente colendum. Quis tua, quaeso, tuis obduxit pectora livor? quo rumore pium facilis tibi fama per aures inrupit pepulitque animum contraque vetustam experta pietate fidem nova vulnera movit, laederet ut natis placidum male suada parentem? Set mihi non fictae mens conscia simplicitatis nec patris inculti pietas rea respuit omne iumentum et falso perstringi crimine non fert, inmunis vero: gravius violatur iniquo vulnere, tam tenera offensae, quam libera culpae. Diseussisse iugum querens me, quo tibi doctis iunctus eram studiis, hoc nec gestasse quidem me adsero. namque pares subeunt iuga: nemo valenles copulat infirmis neque sunt concordia frena, si sit conpulsis mensura iugalibus inpar. si vitulum tauro vel equum committis onagro; si confers fulicas cycnis et acdona parrae, castaneis corulos; aequas viburna cupressis: me conpone tibi: vix Tullius et Maio tecum sustineant aequale iugum, si iungar amore, hoc tantum tibi me iactare audebo iugalem, quo modicus sociis magno contendit habenis. dulcis amicitia aeterno mihi foedere tecum et paribus semper redamandi legibus aequat. hoc nostra cervice iugum non scaeva resolvit fabula, non terris absentia longa diremit, nec perimet, toto licet abstrahar orbe vel aevo. numquam animo divisus agam: prius ipsa recedet corpore vita meo, quam vester pectore vultus. Ego te per omne quod datum mortalibus et destinatum saeculum est, claudente donec continebor corpore, discernar orbe quamlibet, nec orbe longe nec remotum lumine tenebo fibris insitum: videbo corde, mente complectar pia ubique praesentem mihi. et cum solutus corporali carcere terraque provolavero, quo me locant axe communis pater, illic quoque animo te geram; neque finis idem, qui meo me corpore et amore laxabit tuo. mens quippe, lapsis quae superstes artubus de stirpe durat cacliti, sensus necesse est simul et adfectus suos teneat aeque ut vitam suam, et ut mori, sic oblivisci non capit, perenne vivax et memor. Vale domine illustris.