Letter 3013: Necessity prevented me from attending the feast; your kindness made the feast come to me.

Avitus of VienneApollinaris (son of Sidonius)|c. 505 AD|Avitus of Vienne
humor
From: Avitus, bishop of Vienne
To: Apollinaris, bishop (son of Sidonius)
Date: ~505 AD
Context: A playful letter thanking Apollinaris for seafood sent as consolation — or punishment — for missing a feast.

Bishop Avitus to Bishop Apollinaris.

Necessity prevented me from attending the feast; your kindness made the feast come to me. You write that you have avenged my absence with a shipment of seafood. A fitting punishment indeed — if only it did not create a conflict with the appetite! I would have been happy enough to present myself to you, if you did not punish absentees quite so deliciously. I only hope the sentence against this offender does not end here. Nothing frightens me more than your order that I have nothing further to fear — for that would mean the punishments had stopped. If your holiness condemns what it indulges, then I confess my guilt gladly and beg to be sentenced again.

Modern English rendering for readability. See the 19th-century translation or original Latin/Greek for scholarly use.

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